June is considered the most popular month for weddings and many young women dream of getting hitched during this month. I too had decided early on I must become a 'June bride' and in fact managed to get married a day before the month ended many moons ago.
Despite all the auspicious and romantic notions attributed to why June is the perfect month for marriage, being older and wiser, I now know that starting off your wedded life in June will not make your life as a couple any easier.
All the euphoria associated with getting married evaporates fast whether you tie the knot in June or December; you are left grappling with the ground realties of sharing every aspect of your life with another person. No matter how well you may know a person before marriage, once you sign on the dotted line and officially become Mr. and Mrs., it seems to punch a hole in the lovely blissful bubble that we create for ourselves prior to marriage. It's just that our expectations before marriage are so high, it is disappointing to find out that in reality, "living happily ever after' is strictly the stuff of fairy tales.
I don't think I am qualified give expert advice on how to lead a successful married life because I am pretty much skeptical myself about it and often wonder how an artificially created set-up meant mainly as a mean to standardize morality can keep two people happy and together for the rest of their lives.
When someone asks me, "Are you happily married, my reply has often been "Either you are happy or you are married. You cannot be both at the same time. "
But then again that is also a harsh judgment of this difficult arrangement that men and women chose to get into even though both sexes have reservations about it. It's rarely that people are forced into marriage in Sri Lanka and many of us enter into matrimony willingly. And once you decide to "take the plunge," it is pretty much about staying afloat through the years and riding the waves no matter how rough they are. A few years of experience at that and you can surf along quite smoothly. And despite some of my cynical comments, I enjoy being married because there are many positive things that you gain once you lose your single status.
Things like sharing, patience, putting the needs of another person before your own needs will come automatically once you know there is another person who has chosen to spend the rest of his/her life with you.
It's especially nice to have some one around, not only to share the good times but also when you are down and out and really need a shoulder to cry on. There is also the added bonus of having someone to cuddle with on cold rainy nights, watch movies with and to open the garage door when you come home at night. One day a friend of mine asked me what is the most romantic thing my husband has done for me. I told her the one thing I remember well is him asking me a cup of tea on a day I was unwell and unable to get out of bed. Given his poor skills in tea making, the fact he did it meant a great deal to me.
The husband of Britain's first woman Prime Minster Margaret Thatcher was asked by a journalist once as to who wears the pants in their house, to which Denise Thatcher had replied," I wear the pants in the house and I wash and iron them too."
I think his reply says a lot. It doesn't really matter who wears the pants in the house.
There are no clear cut roles that either has to play in a marriage but you have to substitute the roles as you go along as and when the need arises what is needed is for each spouse to not stand in the way of their partner, help them along as best as you can while also maintaining your own identity in the relationship and not be smothered by the seriousness with which some people tend to take married life.