11th June 2000
By Ruhanie Perera and Laila Nasry
There she is all gorgeous and beautiful. She has a lovely smile and her laughter makes you melt. She's the one for you. But you are just too jelly kneed and lilly livered to ask her out. Before long someone just beats you to it. Sounds familiar...well it happens to scores of us, even to girls who have cute guys as "just good friends" and have no nerve to ask them out. How do you take the plunge?
I used to go out with this guy, after we broke up it seemed like we were meant to be. But there was a problem - my boyfriend didn't believe in the theory that guys must ask the girl out. I believed in the theory that they should. Starting over was difficult.
I ended up asking him out. We were down south - on the beach, when I asked. No stammering or stuttering, a simple 'would you go out with me'. I would never have asked him if I felt he would turn me down. I knew the time was right 'cos I got the feeling he wanted to go out with me. And it worked out fine.
If the guy is really worth it then I'll tell him how I feel even though there is a possibility that I could be rejected. I do not believe in sitting on it because I know loads of people who really liked someone but didn't tell them. When they finally did, it was too late.
I agree with guys when they say that girls send mixed signals and I think getting someone elso to do the asking will only create more confusion.
Tell the person how you feel and take it from there. It's not always the guy who should make the first move. If you want an equal relationship then you got to start on an equal footing.
Priscilla (20) :
I don't ask guys out, I wait for them to ask me. Of course I act like I'm interested and wait in hope for them to make the first move. Though I don't ask I make it a point to tell them how I feel-that's it. I don't go beyond that.
It's just a matter of being honest with the person about your feelings. But it must come directly from that person. It's great if the guy could romance you, play songs for you and later ask you out on bended knee. I know the feeling 'cos it happened to me.
Most of the time it's the guys who have asked me out. I've never done the asking, but I think it's perfectly fine for a girl to do it
Before approaching the subject I think you should indirectly show the person that you like them. Importantly you should know if they like you back. It's important to know the person pretty well before you ask him out.
The best way to ask a person is over the phone. Not very romantic but at least you are not too embarrassed if something goes wrong. I've never asked a guy out, but I think that things like this have to be spontaneous. You've got to go with the flow.
If you like what you see and you've known that person long enough then just go directly and ask the person out. You just know when you got to ask the person because you come to a limit, and there is no going further other than taking the plunge.
Traditionally it's the guy who does the asking but if the girl is the forward type and is quite strong I guess she could make the first move. At times guys chicken out and don't want to ask directly, that's when they ask the person over the phone.
If I was interested in a girl and got the impression that she liked me, I would gather all my guts and go ahead and ask her directly. I'd probably say something like 'what do you think the possibilities are of us getting together?', without actually using the words. More like working around the main subject. I would definitely set up the whole thing. Everything would be practised - no nerve attacks or stammering fits.
I would only ask a girl out if I was really confident of the fact that she'd say yes, judging by the 'signs'. If the signs are negative I wouldn't ask the girl out. Can't afford to let that happen.
I don't think it matters who does the asking. I have no problem with girls asking a guy out. Girls have asked me out and I've quite liked it.
It's important to read the signs well, check out the reactions, drop a few hints, and if you feel positive then it's the right time to go for it.
It's no big deal who makes the first move. Women are kind of forward these days so they might as well make the first move. I think it's important to be direct with the person and ask them face to face more than on the phone. I say this out of first hand experience because I asked a person out over the phone and I regret it. I missed her joyful expression and she missed my agonizing face before she said yes.
Saying it through the phone or e-mail is highly impersonal. There is nothing like saying it directly.
I think a guy should make the first move, if girls do the asking then it would make them presumptuous. It has always been the guys who've done the asking.
There is no specific time to ask a person. It all depends on gut feeling. You just know the right time. Sometimes there are instances when things happen even when you haven't asked the person out. It's amazing but it works.
Please send your comments and suggestions on this web site to