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Parents told they face the music if not tuned into children’s interests
Two sisters aged 15 and 13 years, living in Colombo 12 and their cousin from Gampola aged 13 years were on a mission. They wanted to follow the South Korean musical girl group ‘BlackPink’. The K-Pop (Korean popular music) group consisting of Jisoo, Jennie, Rosé, and Lisa, all in their mid-20s, debuted in August 2016. A BlackPink documentary on Netflix aired in 2020, made them even more popular globally and among Sri Lankan youths.
The three Sri Lankan fans of these stars returned home around 10 p.m. on November 9, while the family searched in desperation.
The girls revealed that they had wanted to learn dancing and sought the freedom to dress more liberally to begin a musical career. They demonstrated their dedication when they travelled by bus searching for a dance school from Colombo to Anuradhapura, and back to Colombo before going to Kandy and returning to Colombo when their efforts seemingly had failed.
A bus driver and the conductor from Anuradhapura had boarded them onto a bus and sent them back to Colombo.
They were produced before Colombo Additional Magistrate Chandima Liyanage who severely warned and directed that the children be released to the families subjected to a bond. However they were warned that in the event they leave home without permission they would be placed in probationary custody.
The Sunday Times spoke to a physician and child protection officials to ascertain the reasons that prompt youths to take sensational and drastic decisions and how to help them to make informed and responsible decisions.
Consultant child and adolescent psychiatrist Dr. Dharshani Hettiarachchi said that there are multiple factors at play.
“Youths are impulsive by nature as the brain is still developing and does not have the full capacity and experience to make critical decisions that have major consequences,” she said.
She pointed out that it is common for children who are in the transforming years from youth to adolescence to be in romantic relationships, imitate and be influenced by and at times associate with unhealthy social groups seeking excitement.
“The parental factor plays a critical part. When there is inadequate supervision, poor parenting skills, not spending time with children, and a judgemental and rigid approach leads to poor parent-child relationships and in return, the child loses out on important guidance from the parents in making smart decisions.’’
Dr. Dharshani said societal factors such as irresponsible media reporting, provocative TV programmes, unhealthy social groups, and bad influence from social media will negatively impact the decision-making of youths.
“Parents should respect their children to gain their trust. Respect does not mean allowing them to do whatever they want, but it is about helping them and not make them feel small. Parents should also be mindful of their own behaviour [modelling behaviour] for certain aspects. Parents should aim to be role models. Other than the parents, youths should have a trusted adult to share experiences and concerns, ventilate and express concerns,” she explained.
National Child Protection Authority, director of law enforcement, Sanjeewani Abeykoon, said: “If any parent is concerned about a situation of a missing child or any issue regarding safety and wellbeing of a child, they can call the NCPA hotline 1929.
“In a situation of a missing child being found, the NCPA offers psycho-social support to the child and the parents.’’
When pointed out that several calls from The Sunday Times to the hotline 1929 went unanswered, she claimed a high volume of calls and just seven people to handle them.
“The concerns can be sent via email to ncpa@childprotection.gov.lk or download the Child Protection Sri Lanka app,’’ she said.
Ms Abeykoon also said that parents are advised to “associate with children’s friends, be involved in their lives and be respectful towards children”.
Her advice to children is “to give priority to education and be wary of whom they associate with to prevent many unsavoury situations’’.
Dr. Dhanan Senthiraja, national director, World Vision Lanka, said: “Speaking from the point of view of a child welfare organisation, parents are encouraged to attempt to find the right balance of being involved in their child’s life without being intrusive. For example, if their child enjoys playing a sport, a parent should be supportive.”
“The goal should be for a parent to be an open link, available to talk to their child, know their child’s interests, friends and movements. Have some access and knowledge about their internet access and to whom they speak to, again by friendly conversation than demands. Children, too, should be open and understanding of their parents’ attempts to connect with them.”