We may have come across people who are obstinate, arrogant and self-righteous; people who may think ‘my way or no way’. We may have tried to change them and make them realise. One of the main problems in dealing with such people is that they simply do not want to see the bigger picture from [...]

The Sundaytimes Sri Lanka

Ultimate battle with ego and arrogance

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We may have come across people who are obstinate, arrogant and self-righteous; people who may think ‘my way or no way’. We may have tried to change them and make them realise.

One of the main problems in dealing with such people is that they simply do not want to see the bigger picture from a different point of view. This is understandable, as the seed of conceit is deep seated, almost always invisible to the individual. But how is it that they do not want to even consider, when feedback is given about their blind spot?

‘Ego. Too much? Too little? How much is just enough?’

These are questions we all need to answer for ourselves. In this article ego is mentioned as a negative concept as opposed to self-esteem or confidence. Ego is not an easy concept to explain or understand; so bear with me.

Today, I would like to share with you some important highlights from a conversation I once shared with a self-made entrepreneur. Whilst thanking him for allowing me to use this story, I would name him as Tim in order to preserve confidentiality.

I first met Tim at a conference in Dubai. He introduced himself as the Managing Director of an advertising company. Whilst reading my business card, Tim looked up and asked me. ‘Honestly, what do you think it is like, to work for an egomaniac?’

‘It must be difficult’. I answered slightly amused by his question.

He added. ‘What if that egomaniac is you? I don’t know how my guys put up with me, sometimes’, to which I laughed out loud and replied ‘at least you are aware of it’. During the break, we decided to talk about ‘ego at work’ over a cup of coffee.

My acquaintance was an ambitious man in his late forties; a man who started off with big ideas when he formed his company with a team of five creative minds, 12 years ago. ‘I built it all by myself’ (mark those words), he commented. Now, it was a company that had branched out to many regions with almost 500 staff members. Tim said that somewhere down the line his ambition became an incessant voice in his head that wanted more success; more or less similar to a constant nagging, that life was not good enough.

How could one explain that? Maybe the exponential growth of his achievement created an illusion that he alone achieved all that success; the healthy level of confidence, now turning into a big ego, and the big ego wanting to grow bigger and bigger through further identification of accomplishment and ownership of all the glamour and the glory. But we all know that a grand idea would take us nowhere, if we do not have an excellent team to execute an excellent plan.

Issues of ego are not openly spoken about at work. We talk mostly about topics such as leadership, communication, teamwork or decision-making. However, underlying the effectiveness of all these concepts is the sensitive issue of ego, which invariably decides our overall competence. Maybe it is time we look at ‘ego training’, where we train ourselves to consistently maintain a healthy level of confidence and self esteem. I personally believe that it is a superior skill and an attitude combined.

We may not have an over-inflated ego in all sectors of life all the time. Tim said that his ego took over him especially in providing direction and decision-making at work. When asked as to how he first realised that his ego was not healthy, he said that he could not overlook how competitive and comparing he would get with other directors. He said that at times, he would defend himself and his decisions at any cost. Moreover, he added that even without realising it, he would seek for acceptance from ‘significant others’ or boast about his past successes in the boardroom and coerce people to buy in to his plans. He would often criticise another director’s strategies and prematurely discard them as irrelevant.

Food for thought; perhaps, this is what makes one who is ambitious of achieving a good cause become fanatical or, one who is determined, become inflexible. The ego identifies with glamorous definitions of I, myself and me and thrives on the ownership of power titles and designations. It would like to fight for a cause, any cause for that matter that would bring it importance. It wants, craves, complains and resents and once it had found an identity of power, it does not want to let go. It also can have an over-identification with materialism. Ego has to preserve itself, thus one could demonstrate defensive behaviour, denial, justification and even withdrawal or passive behaviour in the face of external criticism. It confuses views and opinions from facts and is most dangerous when one wants to see things as they are.

A mismanaged ego would result in destructive emotions that would not be the most conducive for sustainable performance in any area of work. Some senior managers I have met have claimed that ego-struggles are very common at all levels of the organisations. We are inundated with examples from politics or from different ethnic and religious groups. Any war is a result of an ego struggle, be it individual or collective; one person against another, one group against another group; I against you, we against them.

Is there hope? Is there anything we could do to curtail the negative impact of a bloated ego?

The first step in any form of reformation is awareness. If there is no awareness, there is no choice for change either. Awareness of self, paves the way to personal growth. Awareness comes from within and from others; hence, reflecting on our behaviour and its consequences, whilst considering the others’ feedback would be a good starting point.

If we want to grow, we then have to allow life to shake and break our ego. Battling with the ego; how prepared are we to face our biggest enemy? How equipped are we to fight the greatest obstacle that stands in the way of inner growth, self development and the quest to become a better leader, better citizen or a better human being? And we think that enemies are only outside of us!

(Rozaine is a Business
Psychologist, consultant,
author and a university lecturer based in Colombo. She can be contacted via email on
rozaine@forte.lk)

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