It is now six months since she left us after a 13 year battle with illness - a woman who influenced thousands and yet, was a private person; a person who changed the lives of many children and the poor but shied away from recognition and applause. She would be embarrassed by my public tribute, but I overcame the fear of her rebuke as I thought of writing these lines, so that others could also learn to appreciate their own mothers.
She taught me that society was bigger than self, and arrogance and pride went before a fall; that material wealth was fleeting, and contentment lay in sharing.
Even though she was a private person she gave up her privacy, and our home became a shelter for those in need of protection and care. Everyone was welcome regardless of their status in life and was treated with dignity and equality shattering the deep divisions of language, ethnicity, caste, creed and class.
Many unwanted babies and abused women travelled through our home, sometimes staying for weeks and at other times, a few years. One such baby became her precious daughter and our beloved sister. Each story was terrifying and unique often involving the abuse of women by men. She sheltered these women throwing caution to the winds, risking the reputation of husband and sons. She taught us that ‘right’ work was more important than ‘good’ work, and had to be undertaken whatever the cost.
The poor and the weak were at the heart of her mission in life. It was not just compassion that drove her to provide a meal for 1,500 children each day, but an inward belief that the poor had a right to demand from others who had plenty. She strove to educate those who could not afford it - always attempting to move every family one step higher, while driving home the point that education does not create moral beings, but that a transformation of heart was the beginning of an ethical life.
As her mission grew, it had to be institutionalized to cater to many. But she never lost sight of the individual’s need - for food, medicine, shelter, education, protection or to escape from a destructive habit - even if it was outside the defined institutional programme. She strove to demolish the separation between public life and private living by embedding her mission into her lifestyle.
The lot of the marginalized, the weak and the poor stirred her soul, making her a natural ally of the underdog. She was constantly looking for ways to defend and fight their cause. One evening at dinner, we were introduced to a lady who had been released from prison for a couple of days into my mother’s care. In a well publicized case, the lady was convicted of murder despite pleading her innocence.
My mother reading the newspaper account appealed on her behalf, visited her in prison, and gave her hope until she assumed a new identity and settled into family life upon being released from a life sentence.
Though she was born to the majority race, she had a deep sensitivity to the injustices and aspirations of the minorities. She believed in the lines of our national anthem which says “Eke Mawakkage daru kalebawina” (we are but the children of one mother) and dreamed of a united country where all lived with dignity and were equal before the law. Her death has cast on us an even heavier responsibility to work towards this goal in spite of the many detractors.
She was mentally alert to the last and spent her fading years in talking, advising, counselling, writing and working on email and computer, never giving up on life. There are many memories that I recall amongst which are the late night discussions in which she advised and sometimes argued her case, always advising her sons to treat their spouses with equality, love and dignity. She sometimes had a word of counsel about the grandchildren or would often directly speak to them herself, with remarkable relevance and respect. She gave us all the gift of being open and communicating from the heart, instilling in us that people were always more important than things.
Life is uncertain, death is sure. She always lived in the context of eternity and death held no terror for her. She had experienced forgiveness and therefore, was a forgiving person. I share in her belief that we do not earn our eternal reward, but life, and eternal life is a gift given by God to be celebrated throughout. Death is only a temporary parting. Ammi, I will meet you soon.
Eran |
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