5th Column

I thought I might as well write to you, since you have at long last returned to the country you once ruled and also because I am also quite sure that very few will be writing to you now anyway…

We did see the pictures in the newspapers of your reunion with your beloved brother but do be careful, Satellite, because that is a type of incident which may well cause him to be sacked from his job by you-know-who!

We also heard that quite a few loyal old hands were inquiring about your well- being but that you had shunned meeting them, granting an audience only to old Alavi. I don't blame you for that, Satellite, because so many who you trusted seem to have betrayed the faith you placed in them. If you have any doubts, just ask Maithripala or Nimal Siripala, will you?

Nevertheless, I was impressed to hear that you were returning to the country to defend yourself against charges that facilities provided for you on your retirement were in excess of what you were entitled to. I am just waiting for the day when all our ex-leaders follow your example and turn up in court to defend themselves against all the accusations made against them!

I know some people think that for all your charm, you were not a very clever politician because nothing much happened in the eleven years that you governed the country. They may of course have a different opinion after you-know-who completes his dozen years at the top, but even then I do think you were quite clever in your political moves.

For instance, you got rid of Gas Labu and Seeni Bola even if it meant the collapse of your government. Now we are seeing the duo creating enough and more trouble in the Green camp and I am quite sure that Ranil will gladly give them away to anybody who will take them. Mahinda maama of course is too shrewd for that and will have none of it!

Then, you also sold a dummy to the red caps and engineered the withdrawal of their candidate Nandana from the presidential race promising to abolish the executive presidency though we now know that you never entertained such notions. Mahinda maama too seems to have got rid of the red caps - at least for now - after using and abusing them during his own campaign but he seems to have taken a long time to realise that the reds will get him nowhere!

But I am sure that even you must be surprised at the latest development of Ranil joining forces with Mahinda maama - on paper, at least. Most people think that this 'agreement' is not worth the paper it is written on and that Ranil signed it to avoid being dethroned from his party while Mahinda maama signed to prove a point to the world and to the red caps.

Whatever the reason, everyone seems to be on cloud nine these days talking of a new found national consensus - everyone, except the Greens who wanted cabinet portfolios!

Anyway, Satellite I must also wish you luck at your new job at UNESCO. There at least, you can be sure that your second-in-command will not try to grab your job from you before you could say 'UNESCO chinthanaya'…
Yours truly,
Punchi Putha

PS-And if you are seriously looking for a pastime to spend your idle hours, how about designing some new slogans for the Green party? I am myself submitting the slogan 'avoth Karu, penei tharu' for approval at the forthcoming party convention…