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Dear Coz


Look around
Dear Coz,
I'm a boy of 16. I fell in love with a girl who used to live next door. I did a lot to express my love to her. Phone calls, messages but nothing worked out. Then they moved away and I thought I had lost her forever. Once we met at a speech competition. When I saw her I was speechless. Finally I excused myself and walked away. She probably thought I was really uneducated. Now she lives close by but their new house is like a prison. She goes to a school in Colombo and comes home every weekend. What should I do? Please help me.
T

Dear T,
If your messages weren't received, that's a whole different thing but if she did receive them and she's not interested maybe it's time to cool off. I know that hurts but however painful, certain things must be dealt with. None of us get everything we want in life. Be strong. Get to know more people. She's not the only fish in the sea.

Respect her more
Dear Coz,
I'm a 21-year-old engineering student. There's a girl in my class. When I first saw her, I was fascinated by her. Thereafter, I tried to get close to her and express my love for her through my friends. She didn't reject my love but I'm also in love with a girl who lives in Malaysia. She's a Muslim, so my parents don't like her. The girl who's studying with me knows all these. I'm ready to give up my Malaysian girlfriend and start a serious affair with her but I have no courage to say that. I can't forget her. Please tell me what to do.
Worried heart B. N

Dear Worried Heart B. N,
I really don't see what the problem is. Do you mean to say you had the courage to have a casual fling with this girl but you don't have the courage to say you're ready to make a commitment? If, as you say this Malaysian girl is history, why can't you just go and tell this girl? Seems to me that you need to get your priorities straight. First and foremost if you truly love someone, try to be faithful. As for your girlfriend, she's put up with rather a lot from you. If I were you, I'll treat her with more respect.

Give it time
Dear Coz,
I'm a 16-year-old girl. I was very friendly with a guy. He is 26 years old. We behaved as lovers but we never conveyed our feelings for each other. Now we're not as close as we used to be. I don't know what to do. I love him. By the way, he speaks to me and from his behaviour I think he also loves me. Should I wait for him to convey his feelings or make the first move? He's the only one I want.
Juda

Dear Juda,
He's much older than you. Age should not be a barrier. In this case however, maybe it's time you gave yourself more time to mature instead of plunging headlong into an affair. He's 26 and not a shy teenager. If he wanted to ask you he would have done so by now, unless he wants to wait until you complete your studies. But if you feel you must know, then go ahead and ask. He won't bite your head off. Whatever the outcome, just don't forget that you've got a wonderful life ahead of you with or without him. It all depends on you. Decide wisely


Juggling it all
The Legally Blonde star tells why she has Judi Dench to thank for becoming perfectly English

Reese Witherspoon is one of Hollywood's fastest-rising twenty something actresses, but she was reduced to silence the day she met Britain's Dame Judi Dench on the set of her latest film.

"I was so nervous, I couldn't even speak," she says. "When I eventually found my voice it was just a whisper. It was like meeting royalty, in a way, because she has so much dignity."

Reese, 26, star of last year's big box-office hit Legally Blonde, plays Cecily Cardew opposite 67-year-old Judi's Lady Bracknell in The Importance Of Being Earnest, released last week.

She filmed in key locations around England with Judi, along with Colin Firth, who plays Jack Worthing, and Rupert Everett as Algernon Moncrieff. She soon realised that Judi, who'd just completed work on Iris, for which she won an Oscar nomination, had a heart of gold.

"I had to learn a perfect English accent and I was constantly aware that I might mess it up," she says. Judi has the most beautiful voice and I was thinking: "I'm trying to do an English accent in front of Dame Judi Dench." Judi was so kind, because she said she'd used a Canadian accent in The Shipping News and knew how hard it was to change. "She was trying to make me feel at ease and said that she was absolutely terrified and always felt nervous whenever she stepped in front of a camera. She made me relax. Then she delivered eight pages of dialogue, word-perfect, on the first take. She was so inspiring, the way she took her job so seriously and was so passionate about her work after so many years. It made me realise that she's the perfect role model."

Reese spent six weeks trying to perfect her English accent before moving from her Hollywood home to London. Her actor husband Ryan Phillippe, 28, and two-year- old daughter Ava came with her.

Ryan also had filming work in England, playing the murder suspect with the false Scottish accent on Robert Altman's Oscar-winner Gosfort Park. So they decided to decamp here for several months. "He made a pact from the start of our relationship that we would always be together," she says. "We've seen so many marriages go wrong because of the time spent apart. So one of my first considerations on taking a job is: how does it affect my family life? I have a daughter and husband to consider. Ryan takes exactly the same attitude."

"We both turn down a lot of work. I'm also careful about the parts I take. I don't want my daughter watching me on screen in the future, saying: 'I can't believe you appeared as that character in that dreadful film'.

"I thought my part of Elle Woods in Legally Blonde had a really good message for young women - that it's possible to be girly as well as smart and ambitious. I've had girls come up to me and say: "Having watched that, I want to go to law school." So I wouldn't want to be seen as some sort of vile character, sending out the wrong message."

Reese, a surgeon's daughter from Nashville, Tennessee, was raised as part of a wealthy family and began acting in her teens.

"My southern upbringing helped me in The Importance Of Being Earnest, because I used to spend so much time in etiquette classes when I was growing up," she says. "I always knew which knife and fork to use. The thing about being southern is that you feel a lot of guilt. You want people to like you and you'll do anything to make other people happy. It fitted in perfectly with the character of Cecily."

Reese's film career, which started with the 1991 release of a coming-of-age film, The Man In The Moon, suddenly soared last year. She even won a £2.3 million pay day for the forthcoming Sweet Home Alabama, in which she plays a New York fashion designer with a secret past.

In the meantime, she studied English at Stanford University, appeared in several low-budget films, married Ryan and gave birth to Ava.

"In some ways, it has seemed a slow process," she says. "I'm glad that I've been acting professionally since my teens and I've been able to build up the experience.

"As a result, what's happened in the last year has come as less of a shock to me. So although I might seem to have come from nowhere, I've been on film sets, trying to learn the business.

"There have been plenty of films which haven't been seen by many people, but that doesn't matter. They've given me the chance to make mistakes out of harm's way and allowed me to grow up in my own time."

She has launched Type A Films, her own company - "Type A personalities are driven, ambitious and obsessive, just like me," she says - with a big-money deal to bring new scripts to the screen.

"I've always been brought up to believe that anything is possible for girls," she says. "There has never been a better time to be a woman. Opportunities have opened up and, if you want marriage and motherhood as I did, then that's possible, too."

Reese's positive attitude even won over husband Ryan, whom she met at her 21st birthday party. "It was a setup by friends who thought we'd be right for each other," she says.

"It was love, for me, after the first conversation. It wasn't because he was really handsome or anything. I just thought we were compatible.

"He was soon off filming I Know What You Did Last Summer. We hadn't even had the chance to go on a date. So I flew out to meet him, thinking: 'What am I doing?' But it was a chance in a lifetime and I just took it. When I became pregnant with Ava, we decided to get married.

"It appears Judi [Dench] has lived life the same way. She was very happily married [to the late actor Michael Williams] and has a great relationship with her daughter, who's now grown up. She's also been working since her teens. What a great life. No wonder one London cabbie told me: 'She's a national treasure.' "
- Garth Peace


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