Fifth Column

3rd June 2001

Censorship makes news either way

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My dear (Censored),

I thought of writing to you when I heard that you had decided at last to lift the (censored) censorship that was in operation for so many (censored) months. In fact, I was a little surprised as to why you took this (censored) decision so suddenly.

Anyway, (Censored), I am not sure you took the right decision and I think you should impose the (censored) censorship on military news immediately. Better still, I think you should censor all (censored) news with immediate effect.

Just imagine, (Censored), what it would be like if the newspapers were to reveal all the (censored) casualty figures from the North? Surely it would reveal the (censored) state of affairs in the battlefield and would tell the world that (Censored) holds the upper hand in the conflict.

This would only prove that (Censored) has taken (Censored) for a costly ride by pretending to want ceasefires and demanding (censored) peace talks.

And it would also mean that the people would realize what a (censored) leader you have been!

So, at least now, (Censored), you should clamp a censorship not only on military news but also on political news as well. How else would you prevent (Censored) and (Censored) leaking all the (censored) cabinet secrets to the newspapers as soon as the (censored) cabinet meeting is over? How else can you prevent (Censored) from keeping his mobile phone on during (censored) cabinet meetings, so that 'political correspondents' can write a ball-by-ball description of the meeting in the (censored) Sunday papers?

And, (Censored), how else will you prevent the periodic war cry of your (censored) Number Two who talks of war as the only (censored) solution to the problem in the North and East just as much as you talk of peace as the only (censored) solution to the problem?

And then, without a (censored) censorship, how will you prevent the public from getting to know that people like (Censored) and (Censored) want the war to drag on and on, so that they could blame everything else on it and cover up their inefficiency?

Then, my dear (Censored), with a blanket censorship you will also have the added bonus of blocking news such as the fact that (censored) million will be spent on your (censored) palace that is being built in (Censored) and you can even prevent the people from getting to know that (censored) million is being spent on that other residence being built nearby for your beloved (Censored).

Why, (Censored), with such a censorship you can slip out of the (censored) country without the people ever getting to know about it and you could always visit (Censored) and (Censored) in faraway (Censored) without people spreading rumours about a (censored).

At least now, (Censored), I hope you realize the value of this (censored) censorship. I will even go to the extent of suggesting that it was this (censored) censorship that kept you in office all these years. So, think about it will you, -and if you really do, I think you will reverse your (censored) decision!

Yours truly, (Censored).

PS- Some people want to know why (Censored) is back, this time as head of the (Censored) Box. And if you ask me, you have picked the right man for the right job. After all, who better than an (Censored) to head the (Censored) Box!

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