14th June 1998
Spy vs spy
By Rajpal Abeynayake
Spy one: Aday Pirbhakaran, I don't want your nelli juice. I want to know how we are supposed to get the strategic information now that those kutthu journalists have been censored.
Pirbhakaran: What do you mean kutthu journalists? If not for them, the Tamil nation would have been history brother. It's the journalists, stupid.
Spy Two: I know. If not for them, match over. That's why I proposed that we should influence their managements to get their salaries increased. Now in the rush Sapumal Kumaraya has got smart and censored. Aday, pain in the neck.
Pirbhakaran, Spy One and Spy two:. This is an insult and affront to us.
Spy One: What, that we have to rely on Sinhala journalists to get strategic information.
Pirbhakaran: Not that. That those fellows have gone and censored them.
Spy One: The whole thing is, their journalists are also funny fellows. You see chief, one lot was dead against censorship of the war. At that time , remember, we supported them like hell? Then, they changed jobs and went Beira Gedera Now they are for censorship. Bloody traitors.
Pirbhakaran: These Sinhalese are very flexible. The whole problem is they don't read any South Indian poetry.
Spy one: You see, I heard Sapumal met the newspaper bosses last week. Gave them a hell of a pep talk. But, the problem is, I heard he was very sweet also. Not enough bad feeling created for those newspapers fellows to try and get the censorship removed.
Spy Two: I heard he said "we will wring the neck of Pirbhakran like a chicken."
Spy One and Spy Two and Pirbhakaran: Summa chicken, summa neck.
Talking of chicken, I heard Sapumal has got his neck in a brace.
Pirbhakaran: Sure thamby, must be occupational hazards no.
Spy One: After all, why can't he have some occupational hazards. Those censored newspaper fellows have enough occupational hazards. He said that himself once.
Spy two: He told the newspaper wallahs "what the hell, a few occupational hazards for yourself. Look at the occupational hazards I have." One newspaper fellow has told him "Sir — look at the protection you have."
Pirbhakaran: We are not giving him enough occupational hazards lately.
Spy Two: But this is the thing, big chief. He has protection.
Pirbhakaran: He has protection? You sound like an AIDS campaign. Do something before I give you a terminal disease.
Spy One: Big chief, that's a bad joke haah! I have done my best. Spy two made a hash of it all by allowing the censorship to be imposed.
Pirbhakaran: Is that true, Spy Two?
Spy One: Chee, anna, you see I was getting Free Media all hotted up there. Didn't I do that Spy One? Can you deny that Spy One? I was batting like thattu thattu, nicely. Then what happened was Spy Two went and blew it.
Pirbhakaran: What do you mean Spy Two.
Spy One: Spy Two made it obvious that we can't get along without the papers like the you know the one with the Situation.
Pirbhakaran: Yeah. He didn't give a chance for the counter mortar radar. He played into their hands. He should have allowed some lead time before countering the counter mortar radar after the papers reported it.
Spy Two: But, I'm a free media man. Never put off for tomorrow when you read in the papers today.
Spy Two: Now I heard Sapumal is telling Colombo Editors "we would have finished Operation Victory Assured four months ago if not for the Colombo papers".
Pirbhakaran: How did you know that.
Spy One: Because today, I'm in the same newspaper. You too, and Spy Two
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