5th Column

My dear Harini sahodariya,

I thought of writing to you because you are in the news after a long time, although not exactly for the best reasons. People are questioning your wisdom, political maturity and what not, after you answered those questions regarding Chi Chi baby’s rocket in Parliament. Some even want you to resign!

You are learning quickly that politics is a beastly sport, far removed from the genteel world of academia that you were used to. Around this time last year, you were the darling of the masses and were tipped to become the PM if Anura sahodaraya won the big election. That is exactly what happened.

Then, your appointment was hailed as being the first female who won the job on merit. After all, both Mrs B and Satellite, our female PMs before you, got the job more easily because of whose who they were: Mrs B, the wife of an assassinated PM and Satellite, the daughter of not one but two PMs.

When you first got the job, the choice was only between Vijitha and you because you were the only ‘maalimaawa’ MP in Parliament at the time. After the next big election there were other potential appointees, but Anura sahodaraya decided to retain you and no one seemed to object to that either.

Since then, you maintained a relatively low profile, allowing the other ‘big guns’ in the ‘maalimaawa’ camp such as Bimal, Lal, Nalinda and even small arms fire from those like Wasantha, Harshana and Handun to do all the talking. You took the limelight only recently with your educational reforms.

In hindsight, this is not the first time you slipped up, though. Remember, you once referred to China as the ‘Republic of China’ which is Taiwan, China’s arch-rival. Then, just before the local government polls you told us to ‘shape ekey’ have a quiet word with friends even after campaigning ends.

Those ‘minor’ gaffes were easily forgiven and forgotten. People understood that being in Parliament for only 5 years, you could easily trip in the rough and tumble of everyday politics. Chi Chi baby’s rocket has changed all that though. Now, your competency to be PM is being questioned.

Standing up in Parliament, with Bimal seated by your side, you told us that the rocket did not cost the government or the taxpayer a single cent and that in fact, it had earned billions of rupees in revenue all these years. That would have been music to the ears of the ‘pohottuwa’ chaps, wouldn’t it?

Many explanations have been offered since then. Some say ‘don’t shoot the messenger’ because the institution which approved the rocket is not under your watch. You were only reading figures sent to you by officials. Still, there are many aspects to this that you don’t seem to realise, Harini sahodariya.

You couldn’t have not known that Chi Chi baby’s rocket was a standing joke, even when Mahinda maama was at the peak of his power. Rival political parties, including yours, used it to lampoon the ‘R’ family, citing it as an example of how they wasted state funds to fund their pet personal projects.

So, you should have realised that what you were reading out in Parliament was political dynamite. You would have known that what you were just about to reveal would turn the entire narrative that your party built over the years and used so often –  that the ‘R’ clan is corrupt – was about to be erased.

If you didn’t realise that, Harini sahodariya, you shouldn’t be in politics. If you did realise that but still read out what an official gave you, your suitability to be PM is debatable. That is because there are several simple questions that you should have asked yourself before replying that Chanaka chap.

Firstly, if this wasn’t a trap set for you and the ‘maalimaawa’, why would Chanaka ask that question, knowing very well that previous publicity on this issue was negative for his party? Secondly, if the figures you gave are true, why didn’t the ‘pohottuwa’ chaps reveal them when they were in charge?

What followed was a greater disaster. Wasantha sahodaraya was jumping up in Parliament as if he had ants in his pants and, in effect, said you lied. You know there are three types of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics. Maybe he was referring to the last type. That did not do your image any good.

Wasantha’s defence was worse than your offence. It raised more questions. If he could get the correct figures 24 hours later, why couldn’t you have asked for more time and done that? Did you misread the decimals in reading your answer – a la Rosie? Why didn’t you do the correction yourself?

Then, your rivals in the ‘pohottuwa’ and ‘telephone’ parties mocked you claiming that Wasantha disputed what you said because there was a rift between the original rathu sahodarayas of the ‘bell’ party and ‘maalimaawa’ members like you. That is their fantasy. Still, a lot of damage has been done.

The ‘maalimaawa’ had to put out a photo with Anura sahodaraya holding a plant and ‘maalimaawa’ leaders including you around him to convey that you are united. Bimal says they are in “full love and full fit” with you. Alas, Harini sahodariya, your small slip up is a major disaster for your government!

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha

PS: You may be hoping that this controversy will disappear like Chi Chi baby’s rocket or become unheard of in a few weeks – just like your ‘Clean Sri Lanka’ programme. The moral of the story, Harini sahodariya, is that politics is the art of the possible because, sometimes, it is harder than rocket science!