5th Column

My Dear Namal baby,

I am writing to you because somehow, you are able to find a way to be in the news, be it having a warrant issued for your arrest, attending a musical show in the Port City or travelling to the Maldive Islands in the same aircraft as Anura sahodaraya when you have to appear in court on the same day!

There is nothing alarming about all that. As an opposition politician you must be realising that being in any kind of news is better than not being in the news at all. However, it is about some of your ‘pohottuwa’ colleagues who have also been in the news lately that I want to write to you about.

We heard that Tissakutti from Badulla had tendered an unconditional apology to Anura sahodaraya for claiming a couple of years ago that Anura sahodaraya had invested 10 billion rupees in Malta. Anura sahodaraya was merely an opposition MP and Tissakutti was in the government at that time.

No one takes anything that Tissakutti says seriously but in this instance, Anura sahodaraya did and sued him for defamation for 10 billion rupees. Possibly realising his blunder and faced with forking out 10 billion rupees, Tissakutti has apologised and the matter has been settled, we are told.

This makes me wonder, Namal baby, this is a great opportunity for you. You are at the receiving end of all kinds of allegations too. These range from how you sat your exams at Law College, money that is allegedly stashed in Uganda, and employing SriLankan Airlines staff at Temple Trees.

You should adopt the ‘Anura method’ and send Letters of Demand to all those who make these claims against you. If you do so, you can clear your name and even earn a few billion rupees in compensation as well. Or else, people will soon be saying ‘Namal is not doing that because those stories are true!’

Then, the other day we saw another of your friends, ‘Raththaran’ Rohitha, visiting Mahinda maama bearing gifts and saying he felt as if he was visiting his father. This was the same chap who dumped you and your father, supported Uncle Ranil instead of you and contested from the ‘gas cylinder’!

‘Raththaran’ made it to Parliament but he is also in the news after his daughter sold a car to the son of another MP from Kalutara, Jagath from the ‘telephone’ party. Clearly, there are no permanent friends or enemies in politics as long as someone is willing to buy an illegally imported car!

This is what loyalty means to those like ‘Raththaran’. This time last year, his sole aim was to get back into Parliament, so he supported Uncle Ranil, not you. Now he is again trying to curry favour with Mahinda maama. Are these the people who you wish to have as colleagues in your political journey?

Last but perhaps most sensationally, we heard again from another of your friends who had been silent for some time. It was none other than Johnny. There he was, proudly announcing that you will be the next President of the country. Intelligence reports confirm this and embassies also say so, Johnny said.

Can you imagine Anura sahodaraya panicking after hearing that and inquiring as to how Johnny got hold of what must be highly classified intelligence information? He must also be trying to find out which embassies made such bold predictions with more than four years left of his term of office?

Johnny is probably not familiar with the phrase ‘a week is a long time in politics’. Still, he says our intelligence services – who couldn’t find Deshabandu when he was hiding and who cannot still find Sewwandi – confirm you will be the next President. Shouldn’t we now question Johnny’s intelligence?

Also, if we are to take Anura sahodaraya and his manifesto at face value, he has solemnly pledged that the top job he now holds will be done away with when he introduces a new Constitution. Harini sahodariya was asked about this recently. She too confirmed this would be done in these 5 years.

I do know this is not a guarantee that it will happen, though. Satellite promised to do so twice, your father also did once and Aiyo Sirisena rose to power purely on that pledge. None of them did it. Anura sahodaraya claims he is different, but we cannot be too sure, so we will believe him when it happens.

Namal baby, I feel sorry for you. You have great ambitions. Time is on your side, as you are not 40 yet. Still, if you try to reach the top with those like Tissakutti, Rohitha and Johnny working with you, the closest you will get to Anura sahodaraya’s seat is the seat on the aircraft you were on last week!

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha

PS: When the ‘malimawa’ chaps dilly-dallied in removing the privileges of former leaders, your pohottuwa chaps said, ‘do it if you can’. Now they have gazetted those laws. The public appear to support those laws. You must ask, why. The answer will help you, if you wish to succeed someday.