“Thaaththa,” Bindu Udagedera said, “I think our country is in for a very prosperous period....”
“Why do you say that, Bindu?” Bindu’s father Percy asked.
“Why, thaaththa,” Bindu said, “we have found new ways of saving enormous amounts of money...”
“How do we do that?” Percy was puzzled.
“Why, thaaththa,” Bindu explained, “we can close down the Police, the courts of law and even the prisons...”
“How can we do that when there are so many crimes being committed in this country?” Percy wanted to know.
“Why, thaaththa,” Bindu said, “it is so simple, we dispense instant justice...”
“And what exactly do you mean by that?” Percy wondered.
“Instead of having long trials involving lawyers, judges and lots of paperwork, a case can be heard instantly...” Bindu pointed out.
“How can we do that?” Percy inquired.
“We have one man pronouncing a verdict at once...” Bindu suggested.
“And who is this one man?” Percy asked, “is it the Chief Justice?”
“No, of course not,” Bindu protested, “if we get the Chief Justice to do that we would have all those lengthy trials involving lawyers and lots of paperwork, wouldn’t we?”
“I suppose so,” Percy agreed, “but if it is not the Chief Justice, who will it be?”
“Why, thaaththa,” Bindu proposed, “we can have Aachaarya Mervyn instead...”
“But even if we have him as our all-knowing one man judge, how can we save the money that we now spend on the courts of law and the prisons?” Percy demanded.
“Oh, that is easy” Bindu said, “first we can save the money that we spend on the courts of law because Aachaarya Mervyn doesn’t need the courts of law at all...”
“And why is that?” Percy asked.
“Why, in order to dispense justice, he only needs an audience of a few dozen onlookers and whoever he decides are his victims,” Bindu explained.
“So, there are no lawyers for the accused or for the prosecution?” Percy was surprised.
“No, of course not,” Bindu declared, “there is no need for lawyers for the prosecution because that will be handled by Aachaarya Mervyn himself.”
“But what about lawyers who can defend the accused?” Percy queried.
“There is no need for them either because the accused is not given a chance to defend himself anyway; he is always presumed guilty unless of course Aachaarya Mervyn in his infinite wisdom thinks otherwise...” Bindu explained.
“Even if that is so,” Percy countered, “how do you propose to save the money that is now being spent on the prisons, Bindu?”
“That is so simple, thaaththa” Bindu said, “and that is why Aachaarya Mervyn’s way of doing things is so unique...”
“And what is this unique way?” Percy was curious.
“Why, thaaththa,” Bindu said, “he has devised a set of novel and inexpensive punishments which are easy to implement and very cost effective instead of sending people to prison for years and years and then spending money to clothe and feed them...”
“So, what does he propose to do?” Percy asked.
“Why, thaaththa,” Bindu said, “the simplest of these punishments is to tie someone to a tree in public...”
“But do you think that is a very effective punishment?” Percy wanted to know.
“Why not?” Bindu argued, “you can imagine how effective it is by looking at the amount of controversy that has arisen just because Aachaarya Mervyn tied one individual to a tree for a few minutes...”
“I suppose you could say that,” Percy conceded, “but what are the other punishments that Aachaarya Mervyn has in his unique Penal Code?”
“I am not so sure about that,” Bindu said, “but the next thing we know, Aachaarya Mervyn might burn his next offender at the stake...”
“That would be terrible,” Percy declared, “and would amount to being the worst punishment that anyone can get...”
“Don’t count on that, thaaththa,” Bindu cautioned, “with Aachaarya Mervyn, you can never be sure...”
“Why is that?” Percy asked.
“Why,” Bindu said, “Aachaarya Mervyn might even decide to behead his next victim...”
“But surely, Bindu,” Percy wondered, “are we to always allow Aachaarya Mervyn to take the law into his own hands like this?”
“But thaaththa,” Bindu pointed out, “isn’t that what he has been doing for the past several years?”
“Why do you say that?” Percy queried.
“Why, thaaththa,” Bindu recalled, “he has been taking the law into his own hands and acting as if he is the law on many occasions but no one has dared to put a stop to it...”
“That maybe so,” Percy agreed, “but if Aachaarya Mervyn behaves as if he is the law, then the law is an ass...”
“In that case,” Bindu suggested, “we who watch him on megastar programmes on television and then send him into Parliament with over a hundred thousand preferences instead of getting rid of him are even bigger asses...”
Percy knew he couldn’t disagree with that. |
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