The Sunday Times Mirror - Just an introduction away

You’ve always dreamt of finding your other half on your own. Deciding your own fate. Living your life according to your own rules. But maybe, just maybe, there’s another way to do this and successfully so!

Ever considered agreeing to being ‘set up,’ or introduced to someone through your parents, relatives or any other known third party, with the future motive of ending up together? Very simply, would you agree to (continuous drum roll, or more like alarm bell), a proposal? I’m guessing your first reaction is probably “No way!” If so, read on.

In this modern age of hooking up in clubs, casual dating and chatting online to complete strangers, there are quite a number of young people who would rather prefer to play it safe and be sensible. Opting to go with parental instinct in the hunt for that someone, and keeping in line with their “criteria” (considering our greatly traditional society), when deciding on your life partner, makes more sense to quite a few, as opposed to finding the one on their own.

Evidently, some of ‘em prefer this method to ‘the hunt’ either because of the lack of eligible guys/girls (in the eyes of parents), personal bias or simply convenience. Speaking to a few such individuals, I got an insight into their interestingly conventional, yet sensible opinions.

For Arjun (26), it’s not that he is completely resigned to his fate, but rather, is consciously open to being introduced to someone through his parents.

“I’d prefer to marry someone my parents approve of, mainly to avoid complications. I mean after all they’ve done for me, the least I could do is not go out of my way to upset them, right?” he says, adding that he is fully aware of the ‘criteria’ that matters.

“I know that they would never accept someone from a different religious or racial background, so rather than getting emotionally involved with someone I know for sure they would reject, I’d rather get to know someone they recommend. It would make everyone’s lives less complicated!” And just for the record, he is a totally unconventional guy, and having gone to college in the US, is well exposed to Western practices.

Shayanga (23), a marketing graduate, sees this arrangement as convenient and quite romantic as well. “I’m quite okay with marrying someone I’m introduced to by my mum! When it comes to marriage, there are certain things my mum considers, and whoever I’ve liked has always has something my mum would not approve of.

So I’d prefer getting to know someone she picks, because before we’re introduced, she and her relatives or friends have done all the research and are happy with his religious, racial, educational, financial and social background, so all there's left for me to do is see whether there’s a chance that I might like him.”

It obviously would not be a forced matter of affairs, and a relationship would be initiated only if she likes the guy. “I also think that getting to know a stranger you are introduced to, and (if all goes well), falling in love with him, is quite romantic actually!”

“Though I've been brought up within quite a conventional family background, it's not essentially this which makes me alright with eventually ending up with a guy introduced by my parents or relatives,” says Karen (22), who’s just finished her degree in Arts. She feels that with all the modern complexities, people out there aren’t always who they seem to be, so it’s sometimes better to have people close to you recommend someone, rather than getting into a relationship with a total stranger you can’t really check up on.

“Also, if something does go wrong with someone my parents introduced me to, they’ll still feel the need to help me through the problem. But I know for a fact that I would have to watch my back if the same thing happened with a guy I found! So it’s also about the convenience!”

According to Charith (28), he has never really had an issue with meeting his potential wife through a proposal. “Yes, of course if I find someone who fits into the limitations that my parents feel are important, then that’s fine. But otherwise, I’m fine with them doing the search! I don’t really believe there is really a soulmate out there for each one.

If you are an adaptable person (like myself), and you’re open-minded enough to get to know someone who is introduced to you, provided you like him or her, then why not give it a shot?” This medical student’s opinions regarding reasons for compatibility are similar to that of his parents, so there is no clash there. “Once you are introduced to each other, it’s really up to those two people to see if they click, and if so, work on building a steady relationship.”

Whether it is for convenience, tradition, respect for your parents’ wishes or in the name of romance, you’re intended other half might be just an introduction away. So the next time your mother comes into your room and sits down on your bed for that all-important chat about your future, hear her out.