5th Column

Numbered days and flight to gay Paris
My Dear Satellite,
I thought I must write to you before your address changes from the Mandiraya to somewhere in Madiwela in a few weeks but then they tell me now I have to write to Paris instead of New York because you are still out of the country-even if it means giving Mahinda's nomination day a miss.

Of course there are those who say that the idea of going to Paris was to do just that-give Mahinda's nominations a miss and I wouldn't blame you for that either. The way that chap is going about his campaign, the only way you could have got involved was to receive one of his invitations for a meal at the Araliya restaurant, the kind that he sends out to groups of teachers, clerks, bankers, three-wheel drivers, businessmen, dairy farmers and who knows, maybe the association of Presidents and ex-Presidents as well!

Poor chap, you must concede, because I don't think he can invite whoever he wishes either. The guest list has to be approved first by Sripathi, then Mangala and finally by Wimal and he then has to grin and make small talk with whoever attends. I don't envy the man and it is no wonder that he appears as if the results have just been announced and he had been beaten convincingly by Sajith in the Hambantota district!

But then they tell me you have plans to return and address seven campaign rallies on behalf of Mahinda but that you don't want the rathu sahodarayas on the same stage with you. I don't blame you, dear Satellite, because there is every chance that man Wimal might call you a 'bibikkama' with you on the same stage and that wouldn't sound quite as impressive as 'Her Excellency' would it?

Ah, that reminds me of how old JR addressed a campaign rally in support of the recently departed Vincent who was contesting JR's good friend Doctor NM at Yatiyantota in Seventy Seven. JR, the wily Old Fox that he was, instead of asking the people to vote for the green candidate, told them, "buddhimathaata chandaya denna"-vote for the intellectual. Vincent won, nevertheless, but I think most people got JR's message. So, Satellite, may be your campaign slogan could be "buddhimathaata chandaya denna" as well-and the people will arrive at their own conclusions!

But, Satellite, what must be most distressing to you is the way the rats are deserting you-not to join the Green Man but to join the Southerner. Of course, after dealing with Rauf and Thonda for a dozen years, you know by now that politicians have only permanent interests but even then this exodus must disappoint you. But believe me, I would call you lucky if at the end of all this, at least Mallo remains with you instead of switching his loyalties!

Then there is of course, Green Man who is saying that he will find a job for you once you retire. Some cheek that man has suggesting that, when he himself could well be out of a job come the eighteenth of November!

So, what can I say except to ask you to enjoy yourself as much as you can because now your days are indeed numbered: forty from today, to be precise. But then, who am I to advise you on the 'neva gilunath band chune' principle? That's what we've been doing as a country for the past so many years!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS- And if you really want to spoil the Southerner's chances at the poll, there are things left to do: just make sure that young Anura addresses as many meetings as possible on Mahinda's behalf! Or, better still, you could say that 'my enemy's enemy is my friend' and release SB!

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