5th Column

Satellite has survived many a threat
My Dear Satellite,
I thought I must write to you, among other things, to wish you a Happy Birthday. I wouldn't have for a moment thought though that you were just one short of your sixtieth, had the newspapers not mentioned it because you look a good ten years younger. Maybe you should prosecute them for criminal defamation-after all, you are not supposed to reveal a lady's age!

I thought of buying you a present too Satellite, but I suppose you received your birthday present early this year with Yaso coming home with a degree in her bag. Well, now at least one person in the family has finished her doctorate and you can tell that to all those who doubted your credentials at Sorbonne. Well, maybe you should now get the young lady to join the GMOA and then you can stop all these doctors' strikes as well…

But it was a pity, wasn't it that Mallo couldn't attend the convocation after going all the way to England at government expense because there were only three invitations. Had he been there, it would have been a tremendous boost to our tourist industry because just the sight of him would have convinced the suddas that ours is a land of plenty!

Of course those in the green camp would say that not being able to get an extra invitation for a university convocation just shows how inefficient your government is. Remember, when the Greens were in charge they even managed to get an extra invite for the Royal Wedding for RP!

Then I heard that Mallo, on his return had stopped some of his officials from going on a joy ride to Singapore at state expense. Cheeky chap isn't he, when he does it himself but prevents others from doing the same thing. You must advise him to be careful though because those disgruntled chaps will no doubt sell their story to the newspapers and try to make a big issue out of it…

The important thing is Satellite, you have survived. You survived when Vijaya was gunned down, you survived when Velu tried to blow you to bits and you survived even when the Greens returned to power by kicking your government out.

Of course your critics will say that the entire government is a mess, the peace process is stalled and the dollar is rising but then, the Blues are happy, the Reds have a small slice of the cake so they are happy too and you are still there at Janadhipathi Mandiraya!

Then there is the small matter of the country to look after but then that is taken care of too which is why you are trying so desperately to get somebody- the Greens, the monks, Thonda or even Karuna's chaps- to cross over so you can re-do the Constitution and maybe, stay on for another six years. We would be really proud of you if you can manage that, Satellite because even JR didn't do that…

But for the moment, I think you should take a well deserved rest and maybe have a quiet little party without having to read about it in the next day's newspapers-but then that means you wouldn't be able to invite even your Prime Minister!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS- If you are having a birthday bash, why don't you get those chaps who run the Airport to do it for you. I'm told that is their latest line of business and they apparently do quite a good job of it too, red carpet and all!

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