What is Armitage going to be doing in Oslo next week? Will he sit at the table with the LTTE, with his mouth closed-shut with black adhesive tape? Or will he sit at the table, and look the other way, towards the conference room loo, when Anton Balasingham offers him a handshake?

Reportedly, the US is asking for an assurance from the LTTE that 'there will be no terrorism by the organisation in future under any circumstances'' before Armitage sits down with other donors, government representatives and Tiger delegates in Oslo.

This despite Vasudeva Nanayakkara - a staunch supporter of the peace process - issuing a strong letter of condemnation decrying LTTE death threats and assaults on members of the Socialist Equality Party carrying out political work in the island of Kayts. What's a little death threat Mr. Armitage - surely it cannot be terrorism? Naah.

The LTTE threats in Kayts occurred despite Anton Balasingham saying clearly in Thailand at the conclusion of the Rose Garden talks, that the "LTTE will be a political outfit willing to work within the political process.''

What's Balasingham going to say to Mr. Armitage now, if he is asked about this little business of death threats in Kayts. "I beg your pardon - I never promised you a Rose Garden?''

The US had better obtain an assurance from the LTTE that it will not engage in any terrorism now or in the future - unless of course Armitage makes a declaration before the Oslo donor meeting to this effect: "My boss George Bush is a fool - he does not know what he is talking about. There is no global war on terrorism - if you think there is a global war on terrorism, just what do you think I am doing here, talking to these boys from the LTTE, who have just come here after issuing a couple of death threats on members of another political party in Kayts in Sri Lanka.'' Come to think of it - Armitatge knows these parts well. He drank king-coconut in Chavakachcheri, gave his thumbs-up for such natural beverages, and went onto say that the destruction in Chavakachcheri is devastating. There is a little news for you from Chavakachcheri Mr. Armitage. Your friendly bunch of LTTE lads from Sri Lanka, set fire to the office of another political outfit in Chavakachcheri last week. Just a little pyrotechnics before sitting down in Oslo to meet you - nothing that cannot be discussed over a few king coconuts and kurumbas. Drinking kurumba Mr. Armitage, is certainly better than eating crow.

What headlines will they have in the newspapers, when photographs show ("we will not talk to the LTTE'') Armitage peering into the eyes of ("I never promised you a Rose Garden'') Balasingham over a negotiating table in Oslqo? "Armitage eats crow in Oslo?'' "Armitage relishes humble-pie in Norway.'' "Armitage never goes back on his word - but says 'we will not talk to LTTE' is in fact six words.'' Small wonder Ashley Wills doesn't like sarcasm about crows dying in Colombo - but that's another story.

Oslo will of course be the international coming-out party for the LTTE, and fitting that it takes place in those parts which also has the 'tradition' of debutante balls, in which young girls are introduced to society at a grand society ball to which only the crème de la crème of aristocracy is invited. ("Only old money here at debutante balls'', the organisers would say to all the noveau riche who want to get a look-in.)

G. L. Peiris says that the creme de la crème' will be there at the LTTE debutante ball in Oslo. "Which international donor gathering, has people of the calibre of Richard Armitage, Claire Short under one roof,'' he asked in parliament on Friday. Strictly only old money here, chum.

They say that match-fixing (the kind of thing that international cricketers were supposed to be doing with the help of Indian bookmakers ) has always been there, for time immemorial - - or from the time when sport started. They say that races were 'fixed' at the ancient Olympics in Greece, and that match fixing at cricket may be older than the Ashes series. But there was no hullabaloo the way there is now - because even if matches were fixed, those who were following the sport never knew it. Match fixing was never a scandal , because each time there was something improbable like a very strong batting line up collapsing for a few runs under hundred, they would all marvel at the 'glorious uncertainties of cricket.' It was bliss to be ignorant those days - to think that cricket was gloriously uncertain, when in fact book-keepers had paid the stronger side to sacrifice their scalps.

But then came some investigators and media zealots in the twentieth century, and spoiled the whole mood. They said a lot of international cricket was just a pantomime, where the spectators were made to think that a stage-managed game was in fact a real show, with everything being so unpredictable that it was deemed glorious.

The moral of the story: Match fixing can be far more exciting than no match-fixing - it is the spice of life, kind of, but if you are doing it, for Pete's sake don't let the audience know.

So what has all this got to do with Oslo? Think about it - there is a war on terrorism, but while the Americans get involved somehow, the Sri Lankans stop their own war and talk to the LTTE which blew up the Central Bank and killed children in Gonawela. The Sri Lankans were bound to lose this one way or the other - the match was fixed from the beginning. Remember the Massachussetts legislature declaring way back in the 80s that the Tigers should be supported for a bid for a separate state in Sri Lanka?

But now - with things happening such as ('we will not talk to the LTTE'') Armitage sitting down with Anton Balasingham in Oslo, it is becoming almost too obvious that this match was fixed.

The people are beginning to wonder - and are leaving the ball park, thinking 'why were all those 60,000 scholarly papers written about this 'conflict''? if it was for the most powerful country to say "we will not talk to the Tigers" and sit down with them the next day? While these same Tigers torch offices of other political parties all over the North?

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