Columns - 5th column

Scaling the heights to reach Gold

By Rypvanwinkle

“Thaaththa,” Bindu Udagedera said, “what is all this fuss about winning a Gold medal?”
“Why, Bindu,” Bindu’s father Percy said, “after so many years, we have won a gold medal in Boxing and that is why everyone is so excited about it...”
“Is that the only Gold medal we have won in recent times, thaaththa?” Bindu asked.
“I think so,” Percy said, “I can’t remember anyone winning a Gold medal since we last won Gold for weight lifting...”
“But thaaththa,” Bindu said, “I think we deserve many more Gold medals than just an occasional medal...”
“Why do you say that?” Percy wanted to know.
“Why, thaaththa,” Bindu pointed out, “recently we have had so many achievements that deserve Gold medals...”
“And what achievements are those?” Percy was puzzled.
“Why,” Bindu said, “I think we might be quite close to winning the Gold medal for the highest price of bread these days...”

“That is indeed possible,” Percy said.
“Then,” Bindu observed, “we can be given the Gold medal for the most number of protests by university students...”
“If you do that,” Percy warned, “they will also want a medal for the most number of campuses that are closed because of protests...”
“Then, thaaththa,” Bindu said, “surely we must be winning the Gold medal for the highest number of ministers in the world...”
“Yes,” Percy agreed, “but that record will be broken shortly when Mahinda maama announces his next Cabinet in a few weeks’ time...”
“And we can add the Gold medal for the most number of former terrorists now holding positions in the government...” Bindu proposed.
“I am not so sure about that,” Percy said, “but some may say it is an achievement that really deserves a medal...”

“But thaaththa,” Bindu protested, “if we award Gold for that, we must surely award a Gold medal to someone else for not being a terrorist but still terrorizing people by tying them to trees and then managing to escape without any punishment...”
“I suppose that is also an achievement that deserves a medal,” Percy said, “but I thought he should be given a Gold medal for being the best actor instead...”
“Why do you say that, thaaththa?” Bindu wondered.
“Why, Bindu, didn’t they say that it was all a performance?” Percy remembered.
“They did,” Bindu said, “but I think the Gold medal for the best actor should go to someone else...”
“Who would that be, Bindu?” Percy queried.
“Why, thaaththa, that definitely goes to the Rathu sahodaraya who staged a fast unto death against the moon...”

“That too would be a good choice although the chap who terrorizes people without being a terrorist will provide him with a good contest ...” Percy said.
“I still think the Rathu sahodaraya should get the Gold for the best actor...” Bindu declared.
“Then,” Percy asked, “who would win the Gold for being the best actress?”
“Why, thaaththa,” Bindu said, “that is easy; that Gold medal must surely go to the actress lady who crossed over from the Green side to the Blue taking the voters in an entire district and everyone else in the Green party for a ride...”
“It is indeed difficult to beat that performance...” Percy observed.
“And,” Bindu pointed out, “winning the Gold medal for the most number of MPs who crossed over from the Opposition will be a very easy task for us...”
“I suppose you could say that,” Percy said, “although I am not quite sure we have seen the last of these crossovers...”
“Then, thaaththa,” Bindu said, “there is absolutely no contest for the Gold medal for the longest serving Leader of the Opposition...”
“Yes,” Percy declared, “I think we will be able to retain that medal for a long time to come...”
“Why,” Bindu suggested, “we could also win the Gold for the longest discussion on reforming a political party...”

“That is also true,” Percy agreed, “and I suspect we will continue to better that record as well...”
“Then, thaaththa,” Bindu asked, “don’t you think we should also be able to easily win Gold for the man who has the most number of cases filed against him?”“Why do you say that, Bindu?” Percy wanted to know.
“Why, thaaththa, don’t we have someone who is being charged with conspiracy, dealing in illegal tenders and even talking about white flags and isn’t there a new case being filed against him almost every day?” Bindu inquired.
“Yes,” Percy agreed, “but of all these Gold medal winners that we are talking about, he will be a very special winner...”
“Why is that, thaaththa?” Bindu inquired.
“Why, Bindu,” Percy remembered, “he is the only one to win two Gold medals because he has already won another Gold medal...”
“And what Gold medal is that, thaaththa?” Bindu asked.
“Why, Bindu,” Percy recalled, “hasn’t he been awarded the Gold medal for the best Army Commander in the world?”
Bindu didn’t quite know what to say to that.

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