Mirror Magazine - Searching for a soulmate

Remember those stories about people who lock eyes across a crowded room, and know they are meant for each other, and as they say, ‘spend the rest of their life with each other’?

What with all those ‘lovey dovey’ songs, those romantic movies, poems… all talking about soul mates, you start to wonder. Hmm… how come this hasn’t happened to me?

For one, there are tons of people who would just tell you straight off that this is not the only way to meet your prospective soul mate! Most importantly, it certainly is not instant love. So, give me some time, step away from all those pre-conceived notions you have about soul mates, and hear out a few things I discovered.

First, I did some reading, and came across a story that supposedly summed up the traditional idea about soul mates in a second century story. Remember, how supposedly soul mates are matches made in heaven? The story goes, a wealthy Roman matron says to a rabbinic sage, “Since your Creator made the universe, what’s he been doing?” The sage replied, “He's been making couples.” The Roman woman says, “I can do that!” She proceeds to command one hundred slaves to be coupled off, and sends them to a great dwelling. After one night, the place is in shambles; the couples have fought and degenerated into chaos. In defeat and shame, she goes back to the sage, and says, “Oh, that’s no minor thing!”

That ladies and gentlemen is how the common belief that marriages are made in heaven came into being. In Hebrew the word is ‘B’shert,’ roughly translated as ‘beloved’ or ‘the one’. This is where the basic idea of soul mates originates.

You might want to keep in mind that ‘soul mates are not one-shot deals.’ This means that just because you didn’t go out with your friends last weekend, you didn’t necessarily miss out meeting your soul mate. If you are open to them, your soul mate will definitely find you. Many people claim that you don’t have one great love. Instead, you have many great loves. Also, those soul mates are profound soul connections in your life. When you’re with one, you stop looking, so you’re not aware of the other potential soul mates around you. Those days when you sat there wondering how hard it was to find ‘the one’ – the situation in reality was that you just found it hard to choose.

How exactly does one define a soul mate? To simply put it, many researchers and experts claim that a soul mate is someone who reflects and matches your energy, and your path in life. Your soul mate is someone whose powers and potential are complementary to your own. Here is something I would whole heartedly agree with… you would find them in the most unlikely places. It’s said best in this interesting quote I came across, which I felt summed up this idea. “You know that great person sitting near you at work? The one who makes you laugh, but might be ten pounds overweight? Maybe not the coolest person, but dig a little deeper. You could find a soul mate in there.”

Another interesting thought that was shared with me was the fact that soul mates are about ‘work’ and not really ‘play’. See, the word ‘soul’ opens a gigantic can of ‘stuff’. We all know if it’s a lot of fun and playfulness we want, we have better luck sticking to dating and light relationships. When it comes to soul mates, I am not saying that there isn’t any fun in it. There is, but there is a little more, actually a lot more in it. It’s also about deep emotional support, trust and faith, which is mixed with fun. When you choose to go deeper with someone, even though you don’t realise it, you’re opening yourself up. To say it in very direct and simple terms, you get emotionally naked!

The whole story about soul mates is something girls believe in… and this is not just a random statement. It is true. Most guys don’t think about soul mates, they consider it very feminine… and you have to admit this is true. Ask some of the guys around you, and you really don’t need to be a genius to figure out that men don’t really look for soul mates much less really give much thought to the idea of meeting their soul mates.

Think about that guy friend of yours, who is in a happy, committed and connected relationship. Does he go around telling his friends that he has met his soul mate? I don’t think so. This doesn’t mean that the connection is not there. It is there, it’s just that men just don’t define it. It’s also to do with the fact that women are more aware of a soul connection, because they are more introspective in that way. Women need to feel a deeper connection with a man.

Also, soul mates are not necessarily permanent. Huh? What? Ah, come on, you possibly can’t be thinking that the whole ‘happily ever after’ notion really exists. Well, not for everyone. We are raised to believe that a soul mate is our fairytale future, but think about it. How old were you when you realised that fairy tales were things born of a very active imagination? Soul mates are certainly considered the prince charmings and princesses of modern romance. But then what happens when your romance goes sour? What if your supposed soul mate turns out to be a real loser or your worst nightmare? Cheer up, this certainly doesn’t mean that this is the end of the road for you. Of course not. You move on to the next soul mate. If you look at the traditional idea of soul mates, ‘the beloved,’ you’ll realise that there’s more than one love in store for you!

So there you have it folks, the whole soul mate deal. And, to those of you who have found your soul mates… Congratulations.