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From fame to flames
By Kumudini Hettiarachchi
She was the first born and only daughter in the family enjoying a special place in the hearts of her parents and her four younger brothers. Now they only have a large framed photograph of her, prominently displayed on the cabinet in the spacious sitting-dining room of their home overlooking the sea in Wadduwa.

For all her other photos as a child, blossoming young girl, talented Kathakali dancer and later mature woman were swept away by the waves when the tsunami hit their house. In a single album are the most-recent photos of her – her closed coffin and the funeral procession of relatives, friends and villagers wending its way to the churchyard nearby to lay Kumari Cooray to rest after several turbulent years.

The large number of people who attended Kumari’s funeral shows that they loved and respected her, whatever had happened before her death, said her father and UNP politician Mervyn J. Cooray when The Sunday Times met him last Wednesday. This alone was proof that people did not treat her as someone who had done wrong.

Forty-year-old Kumari who was embroiled in a political controversy after allegations of having an affair with SLMC Leader Rauff Hakeem, set herself ablaze outside his home on October 6, around 5 a.m. and died at the National Hospital in the evening the same day.

Eighty percent of her body was burnt and also part of her face. Her coffin was kept closed, sighed Mr. Cooray, adding that every time he looked at his face in the mirror he saw Kumari for she resembled him so much. “Anybody could identify her as my child. She had many of my characteristics.”

Then the pent-up memories are made vocal…….of Kumari, the pretty girl being good at anything she tried out. “Geetha gayanaya, vadanaya,” were her strong points he says explaining that she was good at music, playing the violin extremely well and also at dancing, Kathakali being her speciality. He recalls with tenderness the beautiful dorata vedeema she had when she was just 17 years old. “I still remember the day. It was December 19, the birthday shared by two of her younger brothers, when she had her debut as a dancer.”

Even as a schoolgirl at St. Anthony’s Girls’ School, Panadura, she was a “people’s person” always there for anyone who needed help. She would visit all the villagers, calling them aiya, mame, nande, akka, and comfort them in times of trouble. That’s why they were there, to pay their last respects to her, he says.

He concedes there was a streak of stubbornness in her. “Hithuwath, karanawa mai,” he says adding that if she made up her mind to do something she would go ahead and do it whatever the consequences, even as a little girl. Kumari’s life took the same path that most young girls take – she married and had two children, a son and a daughter, but there were rocky patches the marriage could not overcome. Then their paths diverged. For a time the children lived with their father but later the grandparents brought them up. “The children are very close to their Achchi,” Mr. Cooray says.

Kumari lived an independent life in Colombo and did a little bit of business in the garment sector such as buying and selling, never asking for support from her parents. A special bond developed between Kumari and her youngest brother though there was an 11-year age gap, with numerous invitations being extended to him and his wife, who were living in Wadduwa in the parental home, to stay with her in Colombo. “Daily she would also phone and speak to my wife,” says father Mervyn.

But on that fateful Thursday morning, it was the traumatized granddaughter who called and wanted to speak to Achchi, following which his wife, youngest son and daughter-in-law rushed to the National Hospital in Colombo. “Kumari was conscious and had gasped on recognizing her malli.”

Shocked at her state, my youngest son had questioned her closely as to who did this to her. “Kawda kere?”and she had shaken her head indicating that no one did it to her.

To the query, “Akkada kara gaththe?” the response had been nod with a mumbled, “Ow”. That yes was enough proof that there was no foul play, says Mr. Cooray emphatically.A poignant chapter closes with the death and burial of Kumari.

A case of borderline personality
What makes a person repeatedly attempt suicide in the absence of a mental illness?
The most likely reason for this may be due to certain personality traits which give rise to a set of characteristics known as the ‘borderline personality’, psychologists say.

Contrary to popular belief, persons with such personalities repeatedly attempt to commit suicide or harm themselves not to seek attention for themselves but because they feel abandoned and are engulfed with constant feelings of hopelessness.

Other features of this type of personality are poor self esteem, entering into intense relationships which are usually short lasting, being impulsive in their behaviour and a poor control of emotions, a psychologist who wished to remain anonymous explained.

“They are uncertain about their personal identity and, as a result, pursue efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment by loved ones. This could lead to repeated suicidal or self-harming acts,” the psychologist said.

Because they are unstable emotionally, they are highly vulnerable.
In western countries with well established health care services, people with ‘borderline’ personality traits are encouraged to air their grievances. “They are helped by a variety of methods.

They are trained on how to cope with anger, provided help when they are suicidal and also taught methods of increasing their self-esteem,” the psychologist said. If necessary, such persons may even be hospitalised for a brief period during a crisis.

Is there help available in our country for persons with such problems? Unfortunately, in countries such as Sri Lanka, services are not geared to cater to the needs of these individuals. “As this is not a mental illness, there is no specific medication that will help such people,” the psychologist said.

With a very high suicide rate and an even higher rate of attempted suicides, there may be an alarmingly high number of persons with ‘borderline’ personality traits in Sri Lanka. “This is an aspect which merits further study,” the psychologist said.

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