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TIMES POSTCARD
Lunch with Madam and Mister President
By Rajpal Abeynayake
George W. Bush had a luncheon companion in Chandrika Kumaratunge recently at the UN. When he raised a toast with Kofi Annan, Kofi Annan winced, and looked at the lady. "Rescue me,'' his eyes implored.

There were several Arab leaders surrounding President Kumaratunge, but she was not distracted. She was looking steely eyed at President Bush.
Apparently the conversation went like this:
"I am from Sri Lanka,'' said Kumaratunge.
"We are going to invade you,'' said Bush.
"You have made some mistake - - there is no oil in our country,'' said Kumaratunge.

"No it's not the oil we want -- - that's an insult. We simply want regime change,'' said Bush.
"But I thought you make regime changes only in countries that have oil,'' said Kumaratunge.

"Who are you to decide these things,'' said Bush. "We are going to regime change your country just so that we can prove that we can regime change a country that does not have oil, and what are you going to do about it?''

But Kumaratunge was not put out by this. Her reaction surprised George W. Bush. Here I am saying that I am going to get you thrown out, and you are sitting there not bothered about anything as if your name was Laura Bush.
Kumaratunge flashed one of her disarming smiles with which she has been able to disarm everyone but the LTTE. She didn't of course tell George Bush about it - - but she was ready to be regime- changed. Time was going to be up for her soon anyway.

But she was curious. With whom are you going to replace me? She asked George W. Bush.
George W. Bush laughed.
"Why there is a young man who is more American than us Americans'' he said. Apparently he is a young man who is conducting a listening campaign these days - - so if you were listening you would not have asked a silly questions like that.

"You mean Milinda Moragoda?'' asked the President.
Bush looked behind at his aide to check with him, and since the aide was not to be found, said that this Moragoda guy was probably for Madagascar.
But then Kumaratunge got too big for her high-heeled shoes and asked a silly question.

She said: "Now I hear that you are the one who is going to get regime changed.'' The Arabs quickly said ''that is Sri Lankan English'' and nudged her, expecting her to change the brusque tone of her delivery, but she again flashed a disarming smile and repeated the question. The Arabs were flabbergasted. They made a mental note to send more oil to Sri Lanka because the country must be in real trouble if it was being lead by this person.
But Kamaratunge was nonchalant.

She told Bush "when Kerry comes -- I am going to change our constitution and stay on, and then it will be you who would have suffered regime change.''
Bush said Kerry is inconsistent. Kumaratunge said 'Now you think he is inconsistent??"
Even the Arabs were mollified by that. There is nobody to beat this lady at the game, they said, and made a mental note to up that oil supply by another billion barrels.

But in the meantime Kofi Annan who felt left out of all this said "Madam in any event you may also be well prepared for a regime change -- who knows who will eventually be regime changed, Mr Bush or yourself?''

"How do you mean'' she asked, and the Arabs were not only resigned to her Sri Lankan English, they were positively ecstatic about it.
"What I mean is that you must prepare yourself by finding an alternative source of employment." Kofi Annan explained.

"That is a piece of cake'' said Kumaratunge. “Everyone knows that you are going to be regime changed soon, and I have been eyeing your job now for years.” Even Bush was stunned at that retort. He remembered and said '"at that time we will try to get your permission when we decide to invade your country.''

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