Crossing the line of bachelorhood
They say marriage is not a bungee jump. Once you take the plunge, there is no rope to pull you back to safety. Most men are well aware of this but at some point do take that 'jump' from bachelorhood to married man, provider, caregiver, protector...(no wonder men fight shy of commitment and let not the women's liberators see this). Hopefully it is with their eyes wide open that they take on the endless possibilities and responsibilities that come with the change of status.

"At the moment I'm visually impaired," says Mohan referring to the zillion responsibilities that come with marriage, which he cannot even begin to imagine. But very practically, he adds, "I don't think anyone sees it all when they go into a marriage." He feels that like him, they just have the knowledge that they can handle what is to come their way. "One way or the other you've got to do what you have to do and I know I'm ready for it."

Mohan and his fiance Romaine have a "two years and eight and a half months" old relationship, which has helped to cement the perfect understanding they currently share. A factor which Mohan feels has greatly influenced his decision to make a commitment and settle down. "I always knew I would get married to her," he says adding, "I haven't asked her yet. It is just that we are going out and we always knew we would get married to each other. We discussed it and we both decided we should and suddenly now seems the right time for it all."

Commitment did not come easy to Rohitha who is a self-proclaimed party animal. "I used to go out practically every night, either for a drink, clubbing or just for a drive with friends." Never short of female friends, he says none of them inspired a serious commitment from him. "I thought I was a confirmed bachelor, a thought I was quite comfortable with."

That was until he met his wife Sasha. "She had personality and depth. I knew she was the one and I also knew that if I didn't commit myself to her, someone else was going to come and get her sooner or later." It took him two years to fight his fear of commitment.

A year and a half since their marriage, Rohitha says, "There have been a lot of changes but it was worth it." As a person, he feels he has changed. "My approach to life is different. It is nothing like my past 'on the spur of the moment' decisions and actions. I guess I am more measured, responsive to another's view other than mine alone. I guess I have come of age. Even my dress sense is far from the bold and flashy. I'm more toned down and I also feel at ease."

To Viraj, marriage was the next best thing, having found a person who understands him perfectly. "I've had three affairs before I came across this special person who understood me very well." Having never had an argument from the time they met each other, made the big decision all the more easy for Viraj. "I knew I had found the right person because we found it easy to understand each other and easy to be with one another."

Nevertheless, since his decision, says Viraj, "I've been receiving complaints from 90% of my friends saying I don't come out with them often, that I'm not the same person any more etc. I've told them 'I've gone out and spent time with you all. I have done what we have to do. But now the time has come where clubbing is no more for me'." Instead, he says he offers his friends an alternative that if they still appreciate and want to keep his company they could drop by his home for a drink.

Although he is dissuaded by them from a life- time commitment with the idea that at 25 years he is taking on too great a challenge, Viraj remains unyielding, saying, "It's my life and I've taken a decision to settle down and move on." Besides, he says he does not believe in having kids when one is 35 or 40 years, when one is too old to enjoy life with them.

Similarly, Mohan's decision to take the plunge was received with disbelief by his friends. "I lead a very carefree life and the thought of me settling down into marriage and having a family was both a bit of a shock as well as a surprise to them." Whilst some of his unmarried friends asked him to think twice about his decision, a couple of them who were married told him to look at what they've got themselves into and asked him to 'get a life'.

Mohan concedes having "a great bachelor life" and is well aware of the changes that will inevitably come about as a result of his decision to tie the knot. "There will be millions of adjustments to be made." Having led a very independent life where every decision was his own and affected just him and him alone, currently with another person in his life things have changed. "Now everything has become more interactive," he says of the things done and the decisions taken in consultation with his fiance. "Sometimes it's nice to have someone to discuss things with and to tell you what to do but sometimes it can be not so nice," he says matter-of-factly.

Personality wise he says, "We are totally different." While his fiance is on the messy side, he is quite the opposite, being an orderly sort of person. "As it is I go to her place an do a 'shramadana' (clean up)," he says laughing, only for things to go back to their disorganised state the next day. "That'll take some getting used to, but we are a good combination."

Also for a person who was absorbed with his job and working late hours, Mohan says, "I have to make changes in my work schedule and times of work since now I have an incentive to come back home." Further, "going out with the guys and boozing must be reduced," says Mohan who feels less time should be spent away from Romaine. "Of course she doesn't insist on it but that's something I want to do."

Viraj is confident that regardless of his imminent marriage, his lifestyle will not undergo a drastic change. "After we got registered we have been practically staying together but to date nothing has changed." What he likes most about the imminent change in status is that "we get to do things together."

"The additional responsibilities in a marriage are inevitable," says Viraj. "There's an additional person coming into my life and I must look after her and be responsible for her. "Although she doesn't want to depend on me totally I must take care of the economic side of things and support her and I'm ready for it."

With the realities of marriage just sinking in, Mohan feels the wedding is closing in on him. "I wish we could just go to a church and get married." Also a believer in traditions and 'the pomp and glory' of weddings he says, "We have decided we are going to use both our resources and not go beyond our means but still for all keep to the traditions."

With his wedding coming up in less than 10 days time, Viraj sees it as "a whole new experience, which comes just once in a lifetime."

Although he feels the pressure has built up with the sudden rush of expenses coming in, he believes in "doing the wedding to the best of their ability so that there will be no regrets later." While they both want to have a simple ceremony with its true meaning coming through, he adds, "What's really important is to actually work at the marriage."

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