Fifth Column

26th December 1999

My Dear Satellite

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I know you will be far, far away when you read this but even then I thought I must write to you now that you are back in the saddle for another six years. Congratulations, Satellite, even though Ranil is sulking in a corner and crying foul.

Well, you were saying that what the greens did in seventeen years you were able to do in five. That nearly came true all the way, didn't it, Satellite because the greens had their leader blasted by Velu near Tower Hall and the blues nearly followed suit at Town Hall.

Of course, if Preme had escaped that day there would have been a million stories saying that he planned it with Sira to win the election but it is a tribute to you that no one told such stories last Saturday. Instead, they saw all that video footage on TV, cried a bit and then went on Tuesday and marked that cross against your name.

Anyway, blue or green we all heaved a sigh of relief when we came to know that you were out of danger though hurt. After all we spend so much of money on having these elections and millions of people go to vote but Velu spoils everything by thinking that he- and only he- should pick the winner. Unfair, isn't it, Satellite?

But I must also ask you a favour. Get hold of your security chaps and dismiss them will you? Here we are, suffering in traffic jams and finding roads suddenly closed all because you suddenly decide to go that way. We do complain occasionally but most of us grin and bear it believing that you are after all entitled to your security. And then, these security chaps allow a fully equipped suicide girl, bombs and all, to get to ten yards away from where you are. Unfortunately, there is no Nobel Prize for inefficiency- or those PSD chaps would have won that one quite easily! I thought I must also tell you, Satellite, a word or two about the polls.

Don't tell anyone, you know, because this is a little secret: they tell me the elections were rigged. Now, I didn't believe it because I said you would never do such a thing but then they told all these stories of how polling agents were chased away and the boxes were stuffed. Tell me, Satellite is this true or is it that the UNP is like our cricket team, saying 'we lost only because they cheated?' Anyway Satellite, I did tell them that a seven hundred thousand majority is quite a bit and that amount of votes could not have been stuffed and they gave me a knowing smile! I think you should also take a second look at the results, Satellite. We remember you doing everything to please that Ashraff boy and the junior Thondaman. But what do their districts do? They go and vote for the greens- both in the East and up in the hills of Nuwara Eliya and Badulla. To forward one of you favourite theories, could it be a green conspiracy to get them into your camp, know all your secrets and then sabotage your campaign? Think about it, will you?

Anyway, spare a thought for Ranil. The poor chap did everything right until the last moment and then Velu got it wrong. Then, unfortunately for Ranil, even his silly jokes-"I'll hand over Satellite to Velu", for instance- back fired and he ended up a loser and now that you are the winner we do hope you improve on your performance- which was not much, anyway- in your second innings. After all, you can't expect Velu to set off another bomb at the next elections to get you some sympathy!

But Satellite you have, as you said the other day, been given a second chance by destiny. We know that you have the courage to do what you want- it is just that sometimes you just don't get down to doing it. We saw your acceptance speech the other day and we also saw how you broke down and wept. Many thought it was a different Satellite. We hope you will remain that way: different, defiant and determined. All of us- blue, green or red- wish you well.

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha.

PS- Choosing a card for you this festive season is quite a problem. I know quite a few who were planning to send you sympathy cards because they thought the greens will win. Then, after that blast we didn't know whether to send you a 'congratulations' card or a 'get well soon' card. But now, I guess, the most appropriate card is a 'bon voyage' card!

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