21st November 1999

Best of luck for the 21st

I thought I must write to you to convey my good wishes to your campaign after seeing you hand over your nomination on Tuesday. At least, you didn't keep the Elections Commissioner waiting on that day, did you? But you did wear your lucky blue saree which you wore back in '94 didn't you?

Anyway Satellite, this time there are quite a few in the race- thirteen to be exact, including some people we haven't even heard of before. Of course, most of them are doing it just for the fun of it- if not for the elections who would taken Hudson seriously, for instance?

Anyway, Satellite, I feel there is a conspiracy to prevent you from being re-elected and I will tell you why I think so. To begin with, a green meeting was attacked at Eppawela even before nominations and then that Ravi chap's office in Kotte was attacked in the middle of the night.

Now, Satellite, we know you. You will never, ever stoop to such 'beeshanaya' tactics. So, I will tell you how it happened: the greens attacked their own meeting and Ravi attacked his own office, so they could tell the people that you are doing all this. Of course, Satellite, we trust you so much after five years that if you tell us it is a green conspiracy, we will never doubt you!

Then, there is this issue about allowing the opposition publicity on private TV networks. I think you did the correct thing by deciding that enough was enough and that all these 'Janahanda's and 'Rathu Ira's ought to be stopped. That was a very wise decision. Satellite.

You see, first those greens chaps who 'crossed over'- Sarath, Nanda, Susil and Wijeyapala- came an made an absolute mess of it for you. Then, that monk turned Buddha Saasana chap demonstrated what it takes to be a minister in your government. You know, Satellite you must authorize who speaks on your behalf because as I see it, these are all former green supporters, so when they display their talents on TV it could be another green conspiracy aimed at reducing popular support for you.

And, Satellite how dare these people suggest that other candidates be given publicity equal to what you are given on state TV? Why, Rupavahini on nomination day showed us what you had for breakfast and almost everything else that you did that morning before and after handing nominations- except washing your face and brushing your face, that is. Now are these silly people telling us that we should see how Harischandra Wijayatunga spends his day, for instance!

So, go ahead, Satellite, clamp down on all TV publicity for the other candidates- and get Rupapavahini to give you all the publicity that you need. After all you called this election early for you to win, not for anything else, didn't you?

I know these greens and other people are talking about foreign monitors and the election being free and fair. Well, Satellite you must know by now that the election has only got to appear free and fair- it doesn't have to be really fair, has it? I hope you have learnt the lesson at Wayamba: that not only was that election unfair it was plain to all that it was unfair and it is the latter that caused the problem. You would have asked Seeni Bola to look after that aspect by now, surely!

Then, if it comes to a really close race, Satellite, there is always the North and East. No one will vote there and if you can get the soldiers to drop in a few of those ballot papers, you could be a clear winner. But if you are doing that, remember to drop in one for Ranil for every two that you mark for yourself, otherwise everyone is sure say that you were upto some mischief!

But I am sure, Satellite, with all these tactics at your disposal, you will be a sure winner. People say that it will be close fight and that the gap is closing but take no notice of such things. So, best of luck for the 21st: you are going to need it!

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha.

PS- That committee you have appointed to oversee the TV coverage of the elections consists of your media advisor, Mangala's media advisor and the man with no other assignment. They all have one thing in common, don't they: they all had links with the greens in the past. So, be careful about that, will you? Who knows, this might be another of those green conspiracies!

Rajpal Abeynayake's Column

Editorial/ Opinion Contents