The Fifth Column

11th January 1998


The show showing all

The Drama: Janamandali, the 100th show, a live telecast by Satellite.

The set: Studio at Rupavahini

The Actors: Satellite, Palitha P; Dew G; Ariya R.

Satellite adjusts her make-up. "Mehema Hondada?" she asks. Several attendants nod their heads "Then we'll start" she says.

Dew gives the first instructions.'Madam, don't worry. We will ask questions where you can give good answers. And if there is anything that you can't handle just smile and will ask Palitha to change the topic. Remember Ariya is asking all the questions though we pretend they are calls from viewers....' the interview starts.

"Madam after three years in office, what are your achievements?"

"We have eliminated Dooshanaya and Beeshanaya. Now anybody has the freedom to say anything about anyone. During the UNP regime, there were no live interviews like this".

"But Madam, what about the war?"

"Why, didn't you hear Anuruddha say we had captured ninety per cent of the territory held by the LTTE. Don't worry, the remaining ten percent will be won soon..."

"But you haven't still implemented your package?"

"How can I? After three years the UNP says it wants some more time. They don't even know whether they support or oppose the package.

"What about the economy?"

"Why, we are doing well. Of course, the cost of living is a bit high but their salaries are also higher now...."

"But you couldn't give bread at three-fifty"

(Satellite smiles. From behind the cameras DEW picks up the signal. He speaks to Palitha through earphones: "Palitha quickly ask something else; she is in trouble...)

Palitha is surprised by the instructions, but he smiles and continues. "But Madam what are the reasons for not being able to give bread at three -fifty?".

"Ah, the price of bread is subject to change due to fluctuation of commodity prices in the international market for wheat flour which is determined by the relative relationship between supply and demand..."

(DEW speaks to Satellite's earphones: "Well done Madam, well done. That was just like one of GL's answers, even I didn't understand what it means.)

"Madam, how did you convince the United States to ban the LTTE?"

"That is because our government was sincere in its efforts to solve the war. And our human rights record was good. And of course, due to the efforts of our Foreign Minister".

"But all Ministers didn't do well. The Sports Minster for instance..."

(Satellite blushes despite her make-up. She talks to DEW on the earphones. "Palithata Pissuda? Meka Cricket Match ekak kiyala hithuwada? Tell him not to ask about Susanthika and SB even if he asks about Anura..")

"But we have achieved a lot in sports under his guidance. A World Cup in Cricket a silver medal in Athletics, Asian Champions in netball. So the Minister must be playing the game pretty well."

"What about the Cabinet reshuffle?"

"That was done because I thought some ministers needed a change. You know what I mean, of course. Everybody questions me about that but when a former President did it every year, no one complained..."

"Then there is this allegation that the bureaucrats in this government are so inefficient.."

"I suppose people want me to get up at four o'clock in the morning and telephone officials like someone before me did. Of course what they didn't know was that after phoning everybody at four o' clock, he went back to sleep at five o'clock.."

(Satellite again speaks to DEW on the earphone. "Aney, Dew tell him to ask something about Ranil". The message is conveyed).

"What do you think of the UNP? Do you think you can win the next election?"

"If UNP continues under its present leadership we can win the next two elections. People always accuse me of being late. But I've invited the Opposition leader for talks several times but he is so late to respond..."

"What about a successor for you? Or at least for the post of Prime Minister?"

"There is no need for successor right now, what is needed is for me to succeed..."

"And, Madam finally what is your wish for the new year?

"I like to wish all of you a happy new year. All of you can look forward to a really happy year because Charles is coming and the country will forget everything else for a while...'

The interview is over. "That was a really good performance, Madam" DEW says. And Ariya says "no one will realize that we asked all the live questions".

Satellite smiles. "Kohomada mage acting?" she asks. "Vijayata vediya hondai neda?". Everyone nods in agreement. Everyone except Palitha P.


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