The Fifth Column

11th May 1997

Good guys gone bad

“Madam, Satellite” said Bala, ‘what are you doing about this so called cabinet reshuffle?”

“Why, Bala” asked Satellite, “what about it?”

“Everybody wants to know why there has been no reshuffle yet. Remember how RP used to have one every year...”

“But, Bala, who can be reshuffled?”

“How about the My Fair Lady for a start? At least CV wants her out...”

“I know, but that is for him to become the king of Dehiwela and Mount Lavinia...”

“But it looks as if she will join Ranil at the next elections...”

“Yes, Bala, but what if all those MPs from her party walk out? We will lose our majority one by one...”

“All right, then, but how about Mahinda? You always say he leaks everything to the Press?”

“No Bala. As long as he doesn’t implement the Workers’ Charter he will be seen as a failure and that is what I want too. And, besides, if we take Labour away from him, who is going to settle all those strikes? See how good he was with the gas chaps last week?”

“Then, Madam, what about Fowzie? He’s always fighting with the doctors and nurses..”

“He does, but then, we have to rely on him when Ashraff decides to join Ranil. So I have to let him have what he wants..”

“What about the General then? Right now, there is so much of controversy about his family also, can’t you shift him?”

“I know Amma would like to. But he is a General and I made him one, Bala. So if I change his Ministry I will have to make him a Colonel once again....”

“Then, what about Prof?”

“Oh, no, we can’t sack him, Bala...”

“Why, Madam Satellite?”

“Why, he is the only person in the Cabinet who can talk for hours with no one including himself, understanding what he is saying...”

“What about Dharme, then? They say he should resign after what happened to the Broadcasting Authority Bill....”

“No of course not. We should keep him as Media Minister, then, we can do anything with the media but he won’t protest...”

“Then, suppose you don’t want to give SB a better subject?”

“I’d like to, but how can I when he can’t control is own brother...”

“How about Richard? He can’t even keep the universities open...”

“Yes; So, if I make him Finance Minister I suppose all the banks will close. And he’s not exactly our best bet as Foreign Minister is he?”

“Now, I see, Satellite, you appear to have picked the best men for each job, so, you don’t want a reshuffle...”

“Not exactly, Bala,” Satellite said.

“Why Madam?”

“I picked the best from the lot available. Now when they are not as good as they seemed to be three years ago, what can I do?”

“Nothing Madam,” said Bala, “...nothing.”


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