5th Column

My dear Ravi,

I am writing to you to congratulate you on having yourself appointed to Parliament in the simplest possible way—getting a secretary loyal to you to send your name to the Election Commission without telling anyone else. You have stretched the saying ‘politics is the art of the possible’ to its maximum.

There is a lot of noise about what you did. Many including Uncle Ranil are furious. Some accuse you of being a ‘thief’. How unfair. Despite all that, no one can change the fact you are now an MP. So, what you did doesn’t make me angry. Instead, it makes me laugh. Coming from you, I’m certainly not surprised!

After all, your name is always mentioned alongside the Central Bank bond scam, and then for having some shady dealings with the Sri Lankan in New York who spent time in the ‘cooler’ for insider trading even though a court has acquitted you in that case. With such a colourful history behind you, I don’t understand why people question your actions. You are just being you isn’t it. I for one do not expect anything less from you!

In fact, I recall when you maintained a straight face while telling a commission of inquiry you didn’t know how the million-rupee rent was paid for the penthouse you lived in—and didn’t bother to ask. You simply had a temporary loss of memory. This time, maybe you forgot that you put your name on the National List.

I blame Uncle Ranil for this. When you were involved in the bond scam issue, instead of asking you to step down or sacking you, he shifted you to the Foreign Affairs ministry. Had he dealt with you properly then, maybe you would have learnt your lesson and this wouldn’t have happened.

Instead, Uncle Ranil did what he usually does. He appointed a committee to look into what you did. They recommended that you be stripped of your post in the party. You got away lightly. Guess what Uncle Ranil has done now—he has again appointed a committee to look into what you have done!

I am not blaming you, or calling you a ‘pickpocket’. You have been in this ‘rent a party’ business for a long time. This party has been operating for many years. It first came into prominence when you rented it out to the Field Marshal to run against Mahinda maama. Aiyo Sirisena rented it five years later—and won!

Those who supported Uncle Ranil in the race for the top job wanted a party to contest the general elections. You were again ready with your ‘party for hire’. You knew they were desperate as there were many ‘pohottuwa’ chaps among them who couldn’t possibly contest under the ‘elephant’ symbol.

You even went to the extent of getting the Election Commission to change your symbol from the ‘swan’ to the ‘gas cylinder’ which was Uncle Ranil’s symbol at the last race. Now, if anyone believes that someone like you will do all this out of the sheer goodness of your heart, they shouldn’t be in politics.

They should understand your plight too, don’t they? Once voted the ‘best finance minister in the Asia Pacific’, the people managed to keep you out of Parliament for the last five years. At the age of sixty-one, you will be running out of time if you were left out for another five years.

You were smart enough to realise before many others that, what Uncle Ranil and those with him had done in the past few years will guarantee that most of you will not be returned to Parliament. So, instead of contesting, you went on the National List. It was a strategy adopted by young Namal and not so young, ‘Delete’ too.

You were proved right when the results came. Even the handful who won under the ‘gas cylinder’ were not from the Green Party. Rohitha and Anuradha are from the ‘pohottuwa’. Chamara is from the Blue party. Jeevan who did contest under the Green party’s ‘elephant’ was also from another party!

You knew the Green party was doomed even more than the ‘telephone’ party’. You must have laughed silently when Harin, Manusha, Rajitha and Thalatha joined the Greens, though Harin made it ‘messy’ for himself. When they jumped from the frying pan into the fire, you jumped to the National List!

I am sure you will argue that there is no strict code of ethics about the National List. Why, Uncle Ranil who is blaming you now once had a rule that no defeated candidate will be allowed on the List but then did exactly the same himself. Even the ‘maalimawa’ did that this time. The ‘telephone’ leader is in the same dilemma with defeated candidates making demands – very unlucky for him.

We know why Uncle Ranil is so worried about you running away with this seat. He was probably hoping that, if the seat was given to someone very loyal to him, if the occasion demands he could always ask that person to resign to make way for well, someone else!! He also knows you won’t be so accommodating. Not this time.

Don’t worry, Ravi. Being a veteran politician, Uncle Ranil knows there are no permanent friends or permanent enemies in politics, only permanent interests. He wanted experienced people in Parliament. He has got what he asked for. Who can be more experienced than you about such politricks?

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha

PS – You are in Parliament now and after all this fuss, that is all that really matters. The ‘Artful Dodger’ that you are, when the first session of Parliament was held, it was quite fitting that you were flanked by young Namal and ‘Raththaran’. Birds of a feather flock together, don’t they?