Columns - 5th column

Howzaat for the sport that binds

By Rypvanwinkle

My Dear Chamal,
I thought I must write to you when I heard that you had organised a cricket match for our politicians, to be played between ministers and MPs for a trophy named in your honour. And we all saw the match on television. I must say it provided us with some real entertainment indeed!

Anyway, Chamal, it is probably quite appropriate to stage a cricket match involving ministers, because most people now seem to think that it is these same ministers who are responsible for the plight that cricket in Sri Lanka is in these days.

Now, I hope you won't disagree with me that cricket in Sri Lanka is slowly but surely dying a natural death. Just a few months after we nearly won the World Cup, we have lost to England, Australia and Pakistan, and if anything, the losing margin in South Africa is likely to be greater!

I suppose we should blame the cricketers for that, but we can hardly do so when they have not been paid for some time, because Sri Lanka Cricket doesn't have enough money in the bank! So, for a bunch of unpaid professionals, I daresay they are doing quite a good job of it!

It was funnier, Chamal, to listen to how some of your MPs and ministers see this crisis in our cricket. All of them seem to have their own theories. Some say the politicians ruined it, others say there is a tussle within the team itself, and that is why they are doing so badly.

Of course, the most hilarious explanation came from another former minister, Gamini from Kesbewa fame, who changed colours from Green to Blue after many decades in the Green camp. Now, he seems to think that even Arjuna and Aravinda fixed matches.

Well, I think they certainly did- together they won more matches for Sri Lanka than anybody else! As for Gamini, was he asleep all these days? After all, he himself was the minister in charge of these matters for three long years, and didn't seem to have done anything about it then!

I think Chamal, you must tell malli to treat these people you 'import' so regularly from the Greens, with some suspicion. There are these chaps like Gamini from Kesbewa, who try to upset the applecart every now and then. Remember, he was responsible for that private sector pensions fiasco too!

Then there is Johnston, who you almost reprimanded the other day for trying to introduce plastic crates for vegetables without asking anyone else, and that too, ended up in an embarrassment for malli. And he also keeps increasing the prices of essential items once in a while, doesn't he?

Then of course there is Seeni Bola, who was a Blue to start with, but then he went over to the Greens and returned. Now he is adamant on introducing private universities and medical schools, and who knows what kind of trouble he will land you in over the next few years?

There is also the Dark Horse, who was once running the cricket administration. Now there's another chap who was a Green, and now that he is in Parliament, he wants to run for the top job in cricket once again. Tell me, Chamal, do we want disasters to repeat themselves over and over again?

You also have with you the Tuition Master, who is now educating the entire country. He seems to be an improvement on his predecessor, but now he is trying to change the curriculum, and we don't quite know what kind of mess he will create, do we?

Then there is the man who takes the top prize for the most disastrous import from the Greens: the alleged assassin who is now undergoing treatment in some faraway land. With friends like these, whose actions lead to the deaths of your own loyal supporters, Chamal, who needs enemies?

But anyway, Chamal, it was nice to see all of you get together in a spirit of friendship at the cricket match. It is a pity though, that they fight physically in Parliament and then behave as if nothing happened on the cricket field!

For next year, maybe you could suggest a rugger match between the government and the opposition. Then, all the physical violence can be dealt with on the playing field, and they can at least try to behave like gentlemen in the House.

And finally, it was good that the trophy that the match was played for was called the 'Speaker's Trophy'. For a moment, I thought the 'R' word would be used for that too and enough things have been named after the 'R' word now!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS-Although we saw the Green Man seated next to you at the match, he didn't play, did he? I wouldn't blame him, because he is getting ready for the innings of his life, and he fears that, one day, the scorecard could read, Ranil W, stumped Sajith P, bowled Karu J!

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