Crossroads

Seven years out of school and I've completed my quota of higher studies for the time being, worked part/ full time from the time I left school, indulged myself in numerous extracurricular "arty" activities that I love, and am now taking a much-needed break from my rather hectic 20's. I feel it's high time I sit back and take a look at where my life is heading. I guess I've been so afraid of the "where I'd be in ten years" factor, that I completely overlooked the rather crucial "where I am right now" factor! Am I part of a strange breed, or is this very much part and parcel of being "twenty-something?"

When I took my 'so-called' break with the dawn of 2008, I thought to myself, "How tough could this be, right? I'm quite confident about what I don't want to be doing, so, how hard could it be to identify what I do want to be doing?" A month and a half later and none the wiser, I'd have to say...pretty darn hard! The reasons are three-fold;

One: It's not as easy as merely discovering your life's passion, let me tell you that for free. That is the relatively easy part. The slow realisation that there just isn't anything out there that truly fulfils the criteria of what you want to do and if by chance you do find something in the vicinity, they'd like it if you had some experience in the field! Can't they understand that I've been too busy discovering myself and following alternate avenues, to have got any such relevant "experience"? Geez....

Two: Just as frustrating is learning that after much tireless effort of locating that 'perfect/almost perfect job,' the monthly remuneration would barely allow you to sustain your meagre day-to-day needs, let alone rid yourself of the loathsome status of "dependant!"

Three: Not willing to compromise on the type of work I want to do or the conditions/terms under which I wish to work.It can't be a desk job, even if it's in the same line of work, it has to be work revolving around a specific section of the society, it has to pay relatively well (refer above clause for justification) etc.,

Which brings me back to square one, with just one amendment; I now do any type of part-time work I can get my hands on, primarily to keep myself afloat of course. Meanwhile, I continue my relentless pursuit of unearthing my true purpose in life to no avail of course. But, let's not be too negative shall we? Surely there Must be a "silver lining" at some stage right?

Maybe a change of attitude or perception perhaps? I guess I could start with recognising what I might be doing to hinder my own progress. Well, there's the inexplicable fear of change or the unknown? Although change could be positively exciting sometimes, the mere thought of venturing out into unfamiliar terrain with little or no guidelines, could be quite terrifying! I tend to concentrate all my energy on clinging on to a past that's fast drifting away from me, rather than focusing on the 'here and now' and what I can make of it. As far as I'm concerned, "change" is the enemy and as it seems right now, I must fight it to the death!

How about, expecting the right job to just fall "plonk" on to my lap! Now that's a killer hindrance if ever there was one. Bad enough, I'm not willing to compromise on the type of work I want to do, I'm also quite willing to give up easily on the pretext that there isn't Anything out there that suits my requirements.

However, I'm quite willing to leave my future to the hands of fate, to do with it what she pleases! It's quite likely that I now seem to have more faith in the hands of fate than in my own. All in all, I'm quite sure that everything will eventually turn out for the best...right?