First steps to A,B,C and 1,2,3

By Ayesha Inoon

Is your little one starting school for the first time in the new year? Then you’re probably both excited about this big step as well as nervous about how well your child will react. While the first day of nursery or pre-school is an exciting milestone in the lives of both you and your child, it can also be a traumatic experience, especially if your child has previously never been away from you.
“Starting nursery can cause separation anxiety for both the parent as well as the child, and must be looked at from both perspectives,” says Juliana Mahadeva, Principal of Mighty Minds Montessori. She adds that it is important to visit several schools before making the final choice, to find a school that both the parents as well as the child are comfortable with. Having chosen a school, taking the child along for a few visits and showing him/her around before the big day, helps to create a sense of familiarity.

“Schools can also help by showing some degree of flexibility, depending on the child,” says a directress of a pre-school. While a few children who are more independent may adjust easily, others may find it harder to be away from their parents.

Some nurseries allow one parent to stay with the child for a day or so, and starting with about an hour; gradually increase the number of hours that the child spends at the nursery so that the change is gradual. Many permit parents to telephone at any time to find out how their child is doing. It also helps if parents regularly communicate with the teacher to help them identify what works best for their child, she says.

As your child takes the first step towards the wonderful experience that is school-life there are many simple things that you can do to ease the transition and help him or her enjoy this new adventure.

Create a positive attitude

Parents need to nurture enthusiasm for school long before the child actually starts, says Ms. Mahadeva. Taking them along for a few visits beforehand and showing them other children at work, talking to them about all the exciting new things they will be learning and the new friends they will be making, can help create an eagerness on the part of the child to go to school.
Children should also be involved in the preparations – such as buying their school bag and bottle and choosing which clothes to wear.

This gives them a sense of independence and importance. Most of all, maintain a positive outlook yourself – children are quick to pick up feelings of uncertainty or anxiety and are likely to mirror them.

Say a firm goodbye

When the time comes for the parent to leave their children by themselves in school, teachers agree that it is best for them to say goodbye and leave immediately, rather than prolong the separation.

“The teacher has to create a rapport with the child, which happens more quickly in the absence of the parent,” says a Montessori teacher. Sneaking away when the child is distracted is also a bad idea, since he/she is likely to get more upset when he finds out that you have left. Instead, explain that he is going to be with the teacher and the other children for a little while until you come back.

If they cry and fuss, don’t worry. “Crying is part of the consolidation process. It’s a healthy coping mechanism,” says Ms. Mahadeva, explaining that most children tend to settle down soon after the parent leaves.

Return on time

Be there a little earlier than the time school ends, to pick up your child. This gives children security and confidence – when they know that you will be waiting for them when they come out – making them more willing to go to school the next day.

Give them breakfast

If children go to school on an empty stomach, they are likely to be cranky and lethargic. “Just because they don’t have breakfast doesn’t mean they will eat their snack in school,” says Ms. Mahadeva, stressing that what they have in school is just a snack, and does not substitute for a proper breakfast.

Another mistake parents make is to give their children milk in the vehicle, she says, which often results in them vomiting and getting the day off to a bad start. Prepare the night before, so that you don’t have to rush in the mornings. Get your child used to an early bed-time so that he is able to wake up early enough to dress and have a leisurely breakfast before leaving home. Also, make sure that the snack you give your child to have in school is something he likes.

Don’t bribe or threaten

Avoid using bribes or threats to make children go to school, says Ms. Mahadeva. Make them understand that school is a part and parcel of life. If the child seems particularly upset or takes a violent dislike to school, gently try to find out the reason, but be firm about having to go back. In such situations, she says, it is important for parents to talk to the teacher and discuss the best way to handle things.

Maintain a calm atmosphere at home

When children come from secure home environments they have a greater sense of confidence and ability to adapt to new situations, say teachers. As your child is learning to adjust to a new environment in school, make sure that things at home remain peaceful and constant. If your family is going through a major change, such as moving house or a new baby, then this may not be the best time to start nursery. School is just one of the new challenges your child will face in life, and with patience and care you can help him/her face it with confidence.