Getting
over love’s blues
By Smriti Daniel
She’s in her room and she’s screaming. Each word is
punctuated by the sound of something crashing and breaking against
the wall, (you’re hoping it’s not all the stuff “he”
gave her; some of it was really quite nice). She’s still screaming,
obviously singing along.
“And
every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you’d hold me
Until you died, till you died
But you’re still alive”
The
song ends and you’re about to waltz into her room, but then,
there’s a banshee like wail that has you reconsidering your
position. You know you’re her best friend and if ever she
was in need, it’s now. So you ‘screw your courage to
the sticking place,’ wear your protective gear and rush in
to the danger zone... and there’s cotton stuffing everywhere.
She’s systematically tearing apart the teddy bear he gave
her on Valentine’s day. You watch in horrified fascination
as she methodically rips it limb from limb, and then proceeds to
pluck its eyes out (shudder). So they’ve broken up.
Take
a deep breath. Fall back and relax on your bed. Stop growling at
your friend. Let’s just face it together. You’ve been
dumped. You are no longer one half of a couple. At best you’re
wallowing in self-pity, at worst you really believe you are unworthy.
Perhaps he cheated on you before he broke the news, perhaps he waited
a week to find someone new. Perhaps he was irrational, possessive,
abusive or genetically incapable of punctuality. Whatever it was
- it’s over. And now you’re discovering that there is
no greater pain in the world than being rejected by the person you
thought was the ONE.
The
first thing you need to do is give yourself a little leeway. Come
on, you know it hurts; in fact you’re almost numb. Everywhere
you go, you find yourself obsessively replaying all the ‘moments’
you had together, like when he said he would love you forever. Around
this point Alanis breaks out in your head - again - and you’re
screaming:
“And
I’m here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away”
Let’s start again. We know you’re really angry, and
that you feel terribly hurt and betrayed as well. You have to let
it out of your system.
1.
Start by writing a letter. Just don’t mail it.
Your
emotions are all over the place, splattered on the wall and dripping
off the fan. You keep thinking of all the things you wanted to say
and never did. Here’s your chance. Simply pick up your pen
and vomit it all out. Say everything and anything, no matter how
outrageous or unfair. Tell him he hurt you terribly, and give him
all the gory details. Don’t spare the guy a thing. Once you’re
done, burn the letter or tear it up and flush it down the toilet;
just don’t mail it.
2.
Have a good long drawn out bawl
Cry, cry and cry again. Do this in the privacy of your room. You
may not care about your dignity right now, but you can be sure that
sometime in the near future you will. Mark off a date in your calendar,
then give yourself permission to mourn until that day. After that
resolve to put this entire toxic mess behind you and start again.
Establishing a cut-off point is going to let you wail in peace and
will also make sure you don’t slip into a more permanent depression.
3.
Take out the garbage
Clean up your room, clean up your heart and clean him out. You have
just finished murdering your relationship, and it is now time to
remove all the evidence that could be used against you - from the
lover letters and hearts, to the pressed flowers you’ve kept
from the first bunch he gave you. If you and your ex spent a lot
of time in your room, rearrange it; that’s going to make it
easier for you to stop obsessing over how sweet he was when he sat
just there and said just that.
4.
Retail therapy
Sadly superficial, but undoubtedly effective. Sleep in, have a huge
breakfast and then set out to shop till you drop. Get yourself something
you really like. It might be a book, an outfit or a pair of earrings
that makes you feel like a million dollars, or you could treat yourself
to a massage or a manicure. Pamper yourself and remind yourself
that there’s plenty of stuff you really like about life.
5.
Meet with friends
Get back to your life. Being single is going to feel weird for some
time, but you’ve been alone before and you can do it again.
Spend time with your closest friends, catching up and simply basking
in being together. Being in a relationship meant you had to take
what someone else wanted into consideration all the time. Now is
the time to throw off the shackles of coupledom and revel in your
newfound freedom. Remember, it’s now or never, so strap in
and enjoy the ride!
Things
might seem quite unbearable right now. But give things (and yourself)
a little ‘time, love and tenderness,’ and you’ll
be just fine. Trust me. |
