Mirror Magazine

Mirror Magazine

Who’s on a date?
For many people in Sri Lanka dating is a tricky issue to handle; it’s especially tough if you are young. The Date Critique takes a closer look
Doing lunch at a casual eating-place, going bowling later on and winding up enjoying delicious ice cream with someone you really like spending time with… sounds like a date?

What’s a date?
Happening more and more in Sri Lanka, the concept of dating seems to have caught on among the younger generation and is gradually becoming the number one social activity when it comes to socialising among girls and guys. While it is done more as a group activity among younger teenagers, going on one-on-one dates seem to be for the older ones.

“Dating” in its most basic sense, can be defined as two single friends doing things together for fun without any attraction or romantic desire or intimacy involved at all. It’s more like spending time as friends. But for most, especially over here, the issue of dating involves two people who know each other relatively well, meeting up to enhance the acquaintance.

Group power
According to Sanjeev (16), dating among the younger generation is taking place more and more. “Kids at my school go on dates all the time and it’s quite an accepted thing among all of us. But however casual it is, it’s still looked on as a romantic relationship, and rumours spread. I think it’s always more fun to go as a group, since you get to have a good time with your friends, plus there’s less pressure on you as well. As for what you can do on a date, meeting up for ice cream is my best bet, since coffee and lunch is a lot more expensive, especially if you’re a student!”

Druvinka (16) agrees with him. “It’s definitely happening a lot in Sri Lanka, but what happens here is a little different to the Western concept of dating. Over there, one person dates lots of people at the same time. But here, it’s more about meeting and getting to know one person. Of course people switch to dating other people, but it takes place slowly. I feel it’s always better to go on a date in a group, especially if the two people are younger.”

Take your time
“Compared to when we were in school, dating seems to be going on a lot more now,” says Nilushi (22). “I feel guys do it more, since they are all into getting to know the most amount of girls possible. Girls, I feel, are more into gradually getting to know one guy and considering a future together. Dating is an okay way of spending time with someone, but it should be after a gradual build up of getting to know each other by chatting on the phone, for example. I don’t think going on dates with people you don’t really know is safe, so maybe the first few times should be with a group.”

Ameer (19) agrees that the concept of dating over here is a lot different to what happens in Western countries. “In those countries, it’s more blind dates and going on dates with people you meet online. But over here, people are more narrow-minded and if you date more than one person, you are seen as fast! Young people aren’t that bold over here yet, which might be a good thing as well, because I feel it’s safer to go on dates in a group.”

“Though the whole dating concept is pretty much happening a lot in Sri Lanka, it’s still more of a commitment-to-one person thing. But it’s not like people don’t switch whom they are dating, but it happens at a much slower pace than in the more non-conservative countries. I personally feel that dating is a very good way of getting to know people, but especially when younger kids are involved, the first few dates should be in a group, whereas you can go on one-on-one dates once you know the person better,” says Steve (24).

PG ratings
So should parents know? “Over here, if you are talking to a girl or guy, your parents either think you’re going out or worse, marrying! So, I feel it’s better that during the initial stages, things should not get blown out of proportion,” says Chinthaka (17).

“The culture here is such that parents wouldn’t really accept it if their kids tell them that they are seeing more than one person, so that they can choose the most suitable one!” says Ayesha (22).

“Dating is not accepted as a normal activity among young people. The culture is still not ready for this. Maybe as time goes on, Sri Lanka will see more and more young people getting into the whole dating game, but right now, it’s still in it’s initial stages,” says Stefan (24).

But Amesh (19), on the contrary feels that you should tell your parents if you are dating someone. “Kids should be able to talk to parents about issues like this, and it’s only when they can’t that problems occur. Then kids start going around their backs and doing things secretly, and then things can get very complicated.”

Changing times
According to a counsellor who specialises in dealing with young people, the concept of dating has caught on in Sri Lanka quite fast. “I don’t see anything wrong with young people dating. With each country getting influenced by others, it’s quite normal that the concept has caught on. Every generation has new additions in their accepted set of values and ideas, with changes happening with time, and this is one such thing.”

“Dating is all right as long as the young people involved are responsible. But it depends on the upbringing of each young person and their different homefronts.”

But she feels it’s always better if kids tell their parents about who they are seeing. Honesty and openness is the best way to handle any situation, so even if kids feel that their parents might oppose them dating, it’s still better than going behind their backs. Also, once children know that parents trust them, they would be more comfortable with talking to them even about something like dating.”

As for the most suitable age to start dating, she feels that there really isn’t a suitable age as such, and it depends on the individual. “But I personally feel that maybe the safest age for young people to go out on their own would be at around 18.”

New opportunities
For Ms. Anne Abayasekara, a senior counsellor, this is a relatively new concept put to practice by young people in Sri Lanka. “I don’t see anything wrong with the concept of dating, but it must be done in a responsible manner. There are many opportunities for young people to meet and socialise now as opposed to earlier, but I feel boys and girls still don’t get enough chances to get to know each other. Most importantly, parents should realise that getting attracted and wanting to spend time with the opposite sex is a very normal occurrence in the lives of young people. Communication between children and parents is the key to sorting out all these issues.”

So is dating the way forward? Considering all pros and cons, if approached with responsibility… the concept seems to be getting the thumbs-up sign.

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