ten years survival and surprises
My Dear Satellite,
As we end ten years of your reign
and begin yet another one, I thought I must write to you, if only
to say how glad we are that you are still at the top when most people
didn't give you half a chance of lasting ten months…
how you managed it, even though the Greens took over for a short
while in between, surprises us all, but I believe you would have
to thank Junius' bahubootha viyawasthaawa as well.
so, a few matters still surprise us, Satellite. For instance, we
can't imagine how you sit at the same Cabinet table with the rathu
sahodarayas when they go around the country calling you names and
describing you in very unflattering terms.
you have had to deal with guys who burn nightclubs as a hobby and
the bitter halves of some of them who allegedly carry knives in
their handbags. You have also had to contend with judges being killed
on their doorsteps days after you said some of them were corrupt
and grenades being thrown at musical shows. You must realise that
for all this, the people blame you even though you tend to blame
a certain man from Kotte!
there is that Solheim chap and the Norwegians who come knocking
at your doorstep every fortnight. We know you have to pretend that
you are interested in peace talks with that "modern day Hitler"
in the North and so far quite a few have believed you as well.
know you have been telling us that the cost of living has risen
sky high, Satellite, only because oil prices have risen to record
heights. Now that oil prices have fallen again we are awaiting your
next explanation as to why the cost of living is not declining-but
I'm sure you will give us a very convincing reason. For instance,
it may be that this is all a Green conspiracy!
we like about you, Satellite, is that even after ten years you still
retain that ability to entertain. Hearing you address the nation
from Matara the other day, we thought you had just returned from
a visit to the zoo. All those you described that day were Greens
but I'm quite confident that you would be describing the Reds too
in similar fashion in the not too distant future…
right now, Satellite you must be busy plotting your next move. I'm
sure you will follow Junius' footsteps and hold a referendum, amend
the constitution and then stay on and on. And with you-know-who
in jail because of describing judgements as "canine verdicts",
I don't foresee many problems-unless the Reds kick up a fuss or
Velu loses his patience.
I'm sure you will survive as you have done for the past ten years.
So we must wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year. I won't
even try to make it to the party at the Janadhipathi Mandiraya because
I'm told they are not serving X'mas cake this year-and are serving
PS-I heard the police are offering a two million-rupee reward for
any news about the grenade thrower at the concert. Why don't you
go and claim your prize, Satellite, because we all heard you publicly
announce who the culprit was? We knew you were smart, Satellite,
but we didn't know you were so smart…