5th Column

Talks on Velu's terms, else put it on hold
My Dear Velu,
I thought of writing to you after hearing that you and your striped kind have decided to "suspend" your participation in talks with the Green Man's team which have, until now, been called the "peace talks".

Of course, Velu, there is a sense of déjà vu in this which is probably why Satellite pressed the panic buttons and called a security alert because she probably thought that in the next instant you would begin massacring hundreds of policemen in the North and East which is what you did before. What she didn't realise though was that this is no longer possible because there are so few of them left in those areas!

Anyway Velu, it is encouraging to hear that your official reason for refusing to talk is because Uncle Sam didn't invite Bala to Washington. I do admire your courage in saying this, Velu, because the last person who went against Uncle Sam was a person called Saddam and the rest of course is now history…

Bala does mention that not enough has been done on the ground despite the many promises made and that it too was a factor in your decision. To begin with, Bala should have known that our politicians never kept their promises. But in hindsight, maybe we should have done a bit more-like recognizing your courts of law and police by appointing Bala as the Chief Justice and Pottu Amman as the IGP. And may be we should have created a regiment in the Army for your child cadres…

Or is it that you were just jealous of the Green Man getting all the accolades when you were still confined to your hideout-after all, he was just called an 'Asian Hero' by Time magazine! If that is your grouse, Velu, do tell us and we will remember to nominate you for the Nobel Peace Prize as well…

But do spare a thought for the Green Man, Velu. There are a lot of people waiting to say 'I told you so' to him if you decide to resume your war and Satellite will be at the head of that long list. If not anything else, he ensured that Bala's kidneys were alive and well over the past year and you have to be grateful for that…

But if you do decide to resume your war, don't forget that all we have to do is convince George that there is a little bit of oil in Pesalai or somewhere in the North and that Uncle Sam would be given the contracts after they finish the war for us. And remember Velu, not having any chemical weapons just won't help!

But despite all this, Velu, I do think that all this is just a 'gesture ' to remind us that this whole 'peace' process will survive only if it is undertaken on your terms. After all, you may be arrogant but we all know you are not stupid, don't we?

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha
PS-The one thing I can't understand, is what have you got against the New Zealanders, Velu? On the last two occasions when their cricket team toured, you exploded bombs and scared them off. And now that they are here again, you spring this surprise on them! Or, is it because Murali was not given the captaincy, Velu?

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