I thought I must write to you when I heard that you want to 'hurry back' to Paradise from the land of our old colonial masters. Whatever the reason it was for you to think of rushing back, it must have been quite important, for you are not quite known for being early for your appointments, are you?

Of course the usual rumours say that you want to return quickly because the Green Man and his Seeni Bola lieutenant are wooing some blues to join them and you want to put a stop to that.

I don't want to speculate about that but what you have to bear in mind is the fact that most of these chaps-be they blue or green, for that matter- do not want another election on their hands right now. So, if it comes to a choice between assuring their own futures as against assuring your own future, I'm sure they will choose the former regardless of what they may tell you!

Then, Satellite, we have heard you in recent times say that "only I can dissolve the House" and "only I can call a referendum" and I'm sure Junius-wherever he is- must be chuckling to himself when he considers how powerful the office he created for himself has become.

But then Satellite, when you also say things like "I haven't had time to study the amendments to the Constitution" and "don't discuss these matters in my absence" it seems that you are not quite the omnipotent person that Junius would have wanted you to be!

Then, of course there is the brother factor. Now, we all know that being the good sister that you are, you would like Mallo to follow in your footsteps and continue the family tradition. Unfortunately though lately it seems that the Southerner has emerged as being more capable of organising an opposition and slowly but steadily working towards forming a government. And Mallo has not helped either, making various uncalled-for statements supporting the Reds and unnecessarily antagonising Uncle Sam. So maybe it is time for you to think this through all over again keeping the interests of the party-rather than that of the family- at heart.

As for the peace talks, we have heard you make all the correct noises saying "I fully support the peace process" but then the actions of your key spokesmen and advisors seem to be just the opposite.

Now, we all know that the Green Man is playing a very dangerous game with Velu and may well end up being taken for a ride yet again, despite all the ha-ho about Bangkok. But even then, Satellite, it must be conceded that the majority of people want him to do just that. So, I think the best you can do is to sit back and let him handle it and then take responsibility for whatever it is that might hapen next-instead of appearing as if you are slightly jealous of him being nominated for the Nobel Prize!

So, think about these matters, will you, Satellite? If I were you, I would do what your predecessor Dearly Beloved did-let the Pee Em run the show and have a paid holiday at state expense and make the odd ceremonial appearance just to let the country know that you still exist. That way, you will be happy, the greens will be happy and we can all live happily everafter-at least until the next elections!

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha

PS- And just in case you have forgotten, the real enemy remains Velu and his striped kind and not the Green Man and his men. We all seem to forget that from time to time, don't we?

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