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Rajpal's Column

29th March1998

The two Ronnies

By Rajpal Abeynayake

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Advisor: We need to get our anti opposition strategy together madam.

C: I'm too lazy today.

A: Madam, but you wanted to have the anti opposition meeting this week today, without fail.

C: That was last week. Things have changed this week.

A: What do you mean, madam.

C: I don't need to do anything. They are doing it all by themselves.

A: Madam?

C: Malli is doing my work for me in the viruddha paakshaya..

A: People might say you planted him there.

C: Even I couldn't have thought of that.

A: Madam, but is it wise for us to sit back.

C: Not sitting back, if you want you go to sleep. I almost split my considerable sides laughing. That chap Funny demel, I mean Runny demel, has called malli a demented chap. Oh, my, haven't had so much fun for a long time - not even at our bajau party last week.

A: You think madam that your malli, er brother, is demented?

C: Now that you asked me, I think they are both demented. One is a case of senile dementia I think.

A: You mean madam, Runny is that old?-

C: He must be pushing seventy five. Most definitely past seventy. I wish I could get hold of the hair dye he uses.

A: So you think senile dementia madam?

C: At yesterday's party, I was in such a rollicking mood, I was telling Gamini Luxman that it must be "senile demelia."

A: You must have been in a good mood, madam. Senile demelia indeed! But you don't think it was your brother who brought it all upon himself by issuing that statement to the Daily Noise?

C: Malli will be malli. Great chap anyway. Great help. Can count on him at any moment. Just the thing I needed to upset those boycotting upstarts. But you know something, I have got used to malli shooting his mouth, but Runny's reply was help from an unexpected quarter. That guy was great. He was saying things like "I don't take him seriously", and then going on to give a very serious explanation why. Even malli cottoned on to that. "I don't take very seriously people who deserted the party built up by father and mother. I don't take very seriously people who campaigned against that poor dead man. I don't think very seriously, blah blah." Hoot! He was on a roll.

A: Wasn't malli, I mean your brother..

C: Yes you can call him my malli alright. Why not. He is my malli. Besides he is the only family member who seriously helps my political career at the most needed moments.

A: Okay madam. Anyway, wasn't malli being, you know, on a roll as well?.

C: What do you expect. He is a roll — Chinese I think. Runny's little comment about having a Banda in the party, was, after all because one of those paparazzi's put him in a spot. The Paparazzi asked him "how do you criticize Banda policies when there is a Banda in the party?" So he said, yeah, oh well, that's put us in a bit of a predicament. I mean, to be fair by demelia, there is nothing much else the man can do. I mean he has to say something. Its not as if he can say "malli has renounced Banda". Well, he could have been smarter and said "well, those are two different issues or something" and wriggled out of it. But, anyway he said something. Daily Noise , ( remind me to give that Editor fellow a sudu neluma or whatever ) got hold of what he said and splashed it. For malli, it was like a red flag to the you know what.

A: But why did Funny deMe, I mean Runny de.

C: I know. Why did he reply bull with bullshit.I mean bovine faecal matter? When I first read this thing, I thought it was just a case of one Runnie. Next thing I know, it was like two Runnies. As for our friend, he was always a little garrulous—remember his budget speeches. But both men think they are very smart. Runny would have been smart in his civil service days. Now seems he is in his demelia.

A: Madam , you are enjoying this aren't you?

C: Huh, what do you expect. With security all around me you expect to deprive a poor girl of her fun? Besides, the way things are going, those fellows won't win the next time either. They are now like we were when malli was with us. Oh brother, brother!

* * *

That was in fact a stranger than fiction story, but that apart, there are other stranger things happening in the world such as the schoolboy shootout in Arkansas. But, closer home it was politics as usual, with a rip roaring fight on, and the enemy taking a break as well. A week without bombs are like the commercials between the cricket. The breaks are for policy wonks and sundry others.


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