Lets face it, your marriage hasnt turned out the way it was supposed to, the way that marriages have always been portrayed in songs and films. Well, there is nothing to be done about it. You have once again got the short end of the stick once more been cheated out of the good things in life. But you probably have to put up with it, because its no more than you deserve.
One way of expressing your disillusionment is by picking fights with your mate. Fighting, is a good way to make sure you and your mate dont get any closer. It is also a great way to let out anger and hostility you might feel towards somebody less safe to yell at, like your boss.
When is the best time to have marital fight? The answer is, any time at all. Have a marital fight while your mate is trying to shave, work, cook or sleep. No matter how emotional the argument you may be having with your mate, the depth of your relationship demands that you keep the following five rules in mind:
1. Reasoning with your mate: "Just give me one good reason why I should listen to you."
2. Acknowledging your mates expertise: "Tell me about it - youre the expert."
3. Acknowledging your mates worth: "Im sorry Im not perfect like you are".
4. Pointing out your own worth: "After Im dead and buried, youll realise I wasnt so terrible."
5. Giving your mate an opportunity to explain: "Are you definitely trying to destroy me, or are you just the most inconsiderate person in the world?" The experienced professional should be able to pick a fight with a mate over anything at all, any time at all. This is an acquired talent, to be sure, but not totally out of your grasp. Lets look at a few examples:
Mate: "Nice day."
You: "Oh, yes? What is nice about it?"
Mate: "Hot enough for you?"
You: "Whats that supposed to mean that it has to be hotter for me than for other people?"
Mate: "Think its going to rain?"
You: "What the hell am I supposed to be, a wretched weatherman, for Gods sake?"
Mate: "We could do with some rain."
You: "We could do with a lot of things that you couldnt supply if your life depended on it."
Public places and the home of your in-laws are ideal settings for martial fights
But, you may say, the above examples are not really provocative enough to sustain a fight of any satisfying duration. Read on! At any point in an otherwise lacklustre conversation, you might introduce the following sure-fire provocative questions:
1. "So in other words you dont think Im masculine/feminine?" (Choose one)
2. "Then what are you saying, that Im a coward ? "
3. "What are you trying to say, that you think Im not good in bed?"
4. "Are you trying to tell me that you find him/her more attractive than I am?"
The above situations, however theyre resolved, should never be forgotten. It is, in fact, an excellent opportunity to start a truly valuable and satisfying collection of Marital Grievances.
Begin a list of grievances - things your mate has said or done, or failed to say or do - and keep it active replenishing the supply on a daily basis. This list will be the raw material you need for really satisfying marital fights.
Here is a starter list of grievances to get you into the swing of things:
1. He always flushes the toilet when Im in the shower and scolds me.
2. She snores and insists she doesnt.
3. He brushes his teeth and clears his throat and spits phlegm into the sink along with the toothpaste.
4. She clutters up the whole bath ledge with bottles of conditioner, and the shower curtain bar with drying lingerie.
5. He refuses to cover food in the refrigerator, and it dries up and becomes inedible.
6. Shes always rushing me to leave the house for social engagements, but is never ready herself.
It is not essential that all grievances against your mate be rational. For example, it is wholly appropriate to hold your mate responsible for things that he or she does to you in dreams.
You: "If I were seriously ill in hospital would you leave me?"
Mate: "Of course not, what a silly question! "
You: "I mean if I were really ill. If I were in an accident, say, and I lost a couple of toes. Would you leave me then?"
Mate: "A couple of toes? Of course not. What kind of silly questions are these anyway?"
You: "What if I lost a couple of toes, two legs, two arms, and my face was disfigured beyond recognition. Would you leave me then?"
Mate: "Well, er, wed have to see. I mean, er, I certainly wouldnt be in a position to, er.."
You: "I knew it - you never loved me! Youre just waiting for any excuse to walk out on me!"
" From my official experience and such knowledge of the country as I have been able to acquire I cannot avoid the conclusion that the security of person and property is generally not such as I am disposed to think it ought to be under an English Government and that in some places even a lawlessness not altogether compatible with the interests of a higher civilisation is barely kept under control". Justice Phears speech to the Colombo Bar on 30th September,1879.
Greater interest began to be focussed on crime during this period. More and more cases came to light and the belief that crime was on the increase was further strengthened by the occurrence of cases of a very serious nature. Though the authorities were not fully aware of the cases which occurred due to improper reporting the people were aware of these and very often took pre- cautions to avoid being victims. The headmen were slow in re- porting all the cases which came to their notice. Some cases were not even reported. Inquiries into cases were not correctly done and the Inspector-General addressed the Colonial Secretary sug- gesting that more use should be made of the Police in the investigation of crime.
The Colonial Secretary issued instructions to the Government Agents and Magistrates requiring them to make use of Police more than they were doing in the investigation of crime. His instructions contained the following: " And I am to instruct you that it is expedient that as far as possible all crime so reported shall be investigated by the Police and that it is desirable that the Police Magistrates make the fullest use of the Police even in cases where the spot to be visited is at a considerable distance from the Station ".
The Police had a satisfactory system of recording and reporting serious crime. A Crime Progress Report (Police Form 18) was utilised for recording details of the crime and for reporting the action taken by the superior officers. The instructions regarding the use of this report appeared at the Head of the Form. "
The following cases should be entered in this form-Murder, Cu]pable Homicide, Arson, Rape, Robbery by a Gang of more than four person, Abortion, Burglary, Theft of any sum over Rs. 300/- Offence of which loss of property to the value of more than Rs. 300. or any other offence equal in heinousness to the smallest offence mentioned ". These forms properly filled were sent by the Officer- in-Charge of the Station to the Inspector on the 15th, to the Superintendent by the 20th, and to the Inspector-General by the end of each month. These were retained at the Station on return. Further instructions came to be included in the Form. Instructions to the Superintendents in murder cases and other serious crime were given as follows: "
In case of murder or other serious crime the Superintendent or his Assistant with such subordinates as he may want shall immediately visit the scene of the offence and stay there until he has obtained the necessary evidence or has become hopeless of obtaining it ". Steps were taken to see that the headmen gave their co- operation in all these cases. The type of assistance given by the headmen was to be included in the Form. Regarding the assistance of headmen the Form contained the following instruc tional note. "
In all inquiries where difficulty is anticipated the Government Agent or the Assistant Government Agent shall be appealed to by the Officer conducting the case, to order the vigorous co-operation of the Headman and Police ".
Within Police limits there was a system of recording and investigating crime. There was also a system of preventive action which was based on the work of the constable on beat duty. Their activities were rigorously controlled to see that they functioned correctly. But outside there was no system to prevent crime. In certain areas inter-station patrolling was done. But this was not enough. Preventive action depended on the initiative and activity of the headmen. During this period the headmen were helpless in preventing crime. So much so that in certain places, chiefly in the Western Province, serious crime was committed in broad daylight and went on unchecked due to the ineffectiveness of the headmon.
Lawlessness in the Western Province-In the Western Province, there was lawlessness in the area between the Bridge of Boats and Negombo, and Heneratgoda, and in the Kaduwela area. Gangs operated along the Negombo road chiefly between Wattala and Welisara (5th-8th mile) and between Nagoda and Kandana (9th and 11th mile) and along the cross road between Welisara and Mahara. The dangerous state of these areas can be gauged from the incidents reported and from the reports made by res- ponsible individuals.
In 1879, Justice Berwick on his way back to Colombo from Negombo ran into a scene of robbery and personally secured the arrest of one of the accused. Mudaliyar Peter De Saram reported the arrest of two rascals from Keragapokuna. Mr. Crawford the Assistant Government Agent reported that the Alut Kuru Korale South was, " so lawless that passengers are afraid to travel along the high road even in broad daylight ". Mr. Saunders, the Government Agent followed this up with a more striking report. He stated, " the road between Ja- ela and the Bridge of Boats is in a most unsafe state for travelling owing to the conduct of a few rascals who live in some of the villages adjoining the road and who waylay and rob travellers and who are so bold and daring that the headmen and people are afraid to charge them with offences ". This fear was due chiefly to the certainty of the accused being acquitted, when life would be made unpleasant and dangerous for those who charged them or gave evidence against them.
Mr. Saunders followed this up with a more studied report which outlined the origin and cause of this lawlessness. " In the district of Alut Kuru Korale South the majority of the people are of Wellala caste, but the villages of Ragama, Welisara, Nagoda and Wattala are principally Chalias - of these Chalias the Ragama Mudaliyar - was the acknowledged head and over them he had un- bounded influence. He had twice been an applicant for the Korale Mudaliyarship and ever since the present Mudaliyar was appointed he had done his best to ruin him, by encouraging disturbances and causing complaints to be made against him ". All this led to the formation of three gangs, of which the Ragama gang was the most powerful. This gang came directly under the protection of the Ragama Mudaliyar and was composed of larger men than the average Sinhalese. They terrorised the area and completely demoralised the headmen. The activities of these gangs received a serious setback when the Ragama Mudaliyar was murdered.
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