The Fifth Column

23rd June 1996

Losing Heraths and minds

FRIDAY - Told Anu to sack Leslie and Anu reluctantly agreed. He is the second Herath to be sacked in three days. When I was ordering the removal of the other Herath, the CWE chap, Bala was asking me whether I was sacking the correct Herath! But even Leslie has to go, I suppose, or else, those Mulberry chaps will be pestering me forever. And serves him right too, feeding Anu with all those conspiracy theories about the strike; I too swallowed that and said loud and clear that Ranil was behind all this. Huh, as if Ranil is capable of all that....

SATURDAY - The Tigers have attacked Yala, Anu tells me. Now, I suppose I will be held responsible for that too, just as everyone blamed me when the rains did not come on time. Gosh, what a dreadful job this is, I feel at times. Asked Bala what Preme did to get the rain on schedule and he says everywhere Preme went he has young girls singing "Devo vassathu kalena". Really, at times, I wonder why I ever made him a President's Counsel....

SUNDAY - The papers are full of reviews of that film about Amma where she says "I won't tell who is wiser among my children because then the others will get angry". Huh, trust Akka to ensure that it was not edited from the film. Mallo was with Amma all those years in the Opposition, and when we were about to come back, he left her. I was away all those years and joined her just at the right time. So, is there any doubt as to who is wiser?

MONDAY - Had that dreadful government group meeting. All the Mulberry chaps are excited after seeing stories in the papers about that coal plant tender. Nothing about the tender has been finalised, I told them. I remember someone (was it Sanath?) saying that at Preme's group meetings and Cabinet meetings, he talks and everybody else listens. I wonder what made them do that - I just can't get a word in when my fellows start jabbering!

TUESDAY - They want Mallo to mediate in the power crisis in Bangladesh. How can Mallo control political events in Bangladesh when he can't even control his bathroom scales? These SAARC people must be nuts - first they wanted me to solve the Kashmir issue and now they want Mallo to intervene in Bangladesh! For all I know, Mallo will one day have to return to us when Ranil decides to discard him....

WEDNESDAY - The doctors have stopped private practice today to protest Fowzie's plan to stop private practice altogether. Really, Fowzie also knows no limit. Without private practice, I asked him, what would I do if I fell ill? Take a number and stand in the queue of a government OPD at four O'clock in the morning? No, he says smugly, "Channel" practice will continue for the likes of us. I wouldn't mind taking health away from Fowzie, but the big question is to whom am I to give it to? Bala suggests the other lady (no, not Amma, the other widow) but the risk is she might not listen even to me - at least Fowzie does that! But, I told Dharme, dropping a few hints of a reshuffle at this stage will do no harm. At least, it will keep people like Mahinda and Bernard silent....

THURSDAY - Sent Kadi to India. Damn nuisance this, their changing governments like I change the Chairman of Lake House and I have to send Kadi to wish them well, everytime they do that. Wonder what this Gowda fellow is like. Kadi tells me he likes to call himself a farmer. Well, Preme liked to call himself a commoner and look what he did! Anyway, asked Kadi to say hello to Sonia also because last time Mallo went to India Mallo made a song and dance about meeting her....

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