5th Column

My dear Basil maama,

I thought of writing to you now even though you must be a busy man. Not only do you have to hold the purse strings of the nation, you have to do so on a shoestring budget. Then, in the midst of all that, you have to look after the fortunes of the ‘pohottuwa’ as well, because you are the best man to do so.

You may not be aware, Basil maama, but people are not quite happy with what the ‘pohottuwa’ chaps have done over the past two years. Not only did they not get the ‘vistas of prosperity and splendour’ that were promised, they don’t even have fuel, gas, enough money for food, and now, electricity too!

So, it was a bit baffling when you suddenly held a rally at Anuradhapura which had all the hallmarks of an election meeting. Now, no one has called for an election just yet, but you are not fooling anyone by saying that was not the first rally to kick-start what is going to be an election campaign, right?

In fact, the doctors tell us that this ‘omicron’ wave is sweeping through the country and we should be avoiding public gatherings. Why would you ignore all that and go ahead with this rally unless you thought it was very important – in which case a few hundred cases more of omicron would be worth it!  

At the rally, we saw Gota maama like we have never seen him before after becoming the big boss. He was breathing fire with every word, as if his political life depended on it. Mahinda maama was also in campaign mode, or so we felt, using his usual charm on the crowd even as they demanded fertiliser.

There are the usual claims that those at the rally were rounded up and brought there on the pretext of worshipping the ‘atamasthaaney’. The venue was not overflowing with people. Still, Basil maama, I think you achieved what you wanted – you have got the opposition all worked up about an election.

What was also even more interesting was those who were not invited for the rally. All those in your ‘team’ who are not from the ‘pohottuwa’ – who also criticise you – the Wimals, Vasus and Udayas, were absent. Even Duminda from the Blue Party whose base is Anuradhapura was not among those present.

Are you sending them a not-so-subtle message, Basil maama? Are you trying to tell them that if they want to be with the ‘pohottuwa’ they need to dance to your tune and toe your line? Or, is it that, come what may, the ‘pohottuwa’ will anyway go it alone at the next election without these hangers-on?

While you are busy with all this, Basil maama, I thought of reminding you about your day job, that of being Finance Minister. There is so much talk about how we will not be able to pay our loans, how we will be blacklisted, how our reserves are at an all-time low, and why we should ask the IMF for help.

I just want to assure you that as long as you are the person whose signature appears on our bank notes, we have the utmost confidence that you will manage this as only you know how to, be it by printing money as Cabraal suggests – or even asking Daisy aachchi for a loan while we tide over this crisis.

Still, we do like some certainty about what will happen, like, for example, when our cricket team plays T20 games overseas. So, one day when we are told we won’t have power cuts for three months and power cuts are then announced the very next day, people don’t like it, and blame your aiyas and you.

There are other unexpected events that are occurring. You should be mindful of them too. We saw journalist Chamuditha’s house being stoned. I am sure no stone will be left unturned at finding the culprits because, if they are not found soon, we all know where the finger of blame will point.

Then, even more unexpectedly, both Pujith and Hemasiri were discharged in the Easter terror attacks case this week. That leaves the ball firmly in Aiyo Sirisena’s court, don’t you think? Do you want him charged as well, Basil maama, even if it means losing his support – and your two-thirds majority?

We know that though Gota maama is the big boss and Mahinda maama is the main attraction, it is you who keep the ‘pohottuwa’s political machine running. You take all the major decisions about elections and what to do next. So, we await your next move with so much interest, Basil maama.

Yours truly,

Punchi Putha

PS: As Finance Minister, I don’t think you should worry too much about why our economy is not performing well, Basil maama. Even if you are asked about it, you can always say, just as you did about aircraft the other day: “Just as the economy was taking off, it got hit by ‘kaputas’ and crashed!”.