“Thaaththa,” Bindu Udagedera asked, “what is all this fuss about the Indians?”
“What fuss is that?” Bindu’s father Percy wanted to know.
“Why, thaaththa, everyone is talking about this Indian film festival and all the film stars who have come here for that…” Bindu explained.
“So, what is wrong with that?” Percy wanted to know.
“Well,” Bindu said, “some are asking whether it is worthwhile spending all that money on a few Indian film stars when we have so many problems of our own…”
“I suppose,” Percy said, “they want to generate some publicity for our country to show that we are once more a safe place to visit…”
“But that is exactly the problem, thaaththa…” Bindu said.
“Why do you say that?” Percy asked.
“Why, thaaththa,” Bindu pointed out, “some of the big names like Shah Rukh Khan are not coming for the event…”
“What is so special about one or two people not coming here?” Percy inquired.
“Well, doesn’t it indicate that we are not as free or safe as we claim to be?” Bindu argued, “and doesn’t it then send the wrong message to the rest of the world?”
“I suppose you could say that…” Percy conceded.
“But thaaththa,” Bindu inquired, “what are all these awards that they will be giving?”
“Why, Bindu,” Percy explained, “the usual awards that they give at a film festival like awards for the best actor and best movie…”
“And will all of them be given to Indians?” Bindu queried.
“Of course, Bindu,” Percy said, “after all, this is an Indian film festival…”
“But I think we have people who deserve these awards even more…” Bindu suggested.
“Who are you thinking of?” Percy asked, surprised.
“The best comedian, for instance…” Bindu proposed.
“And who would that be?” Percy asked.
“Why, thaaththa, that award should go to Sports Minister C.B. Ratnayake for calling the Cricket Board the third most corrupt organisation in the country one day and then re-appointing the same people to the Board the next day…” Bindu said.
“Then,” Percy inquired, “who are your other winners?”
“I think the best actor award should go to Mervyn Silva for playing the role of Deputy Minister of Media for a few days and trying to convince everyone that he loved all media personnel…” Bindu said.
“That would be difficult to beat…” Percy agreed.
“Although he would have some competition from Maithripala Sirisena and Bandula Gunawardena who are both playing the role of saving their new ministries by blaming the former ministers…” Bindu declared.
“What is the best double act, then?” Percy wanted to know.
“That one is easy,” Bindu said, “that should go to the brothers Gotabaya and Basil…”
“Why do you say that?” Percy was puzzled.
“Why, thaaththa, Gotabaya goes about taking the credit for demolishing unauthorized buildings and then Basil follows, taking the credit for finding alternative accommodation for the displaced people and it is difficult to beat that…”
“Who is your best up and coming actor, then?” Percy wanted to know.
“That should go to young Wimal Weerawansa, thaaththa…” Bindu suggested.
“And why is that?” Percy was curious.
“Why, thaaththa, for playing the role of Minister of Housing and Construction and leading the clean-up of the city for the arrival of the Indians…”
“What is so special about that?” Percy wondered.
“Why, thaaththa,” Bindu pointed out, “remember, he was part of the JVP which once banned us from eating Bombay onions and Mysore dhal and told us not to have any links with anything Indian…”
“Who is your best supporting actor, then?” Percy asked.
“That must go to Dayasiri Jayasekera for emerging from nowhere and being mentioned as a possible deputy leader of the UNP, just by virtue of singing the praises of Sajith Premadasa…” Bindu declared.
“And doesn’t Sajith himself get an award?” Percy inquired.
“Of course, he does,” Bindu said, “for the best make-up artist…”
“And why is that?” Percy was puzzled.
“Why,” Bindu explained, “for suggesting that you can become a leader of the party and the country just by wearing the ‘redda’ and ‘baniyama’…”
“Are there any awards for the best stuntmen?” Percy wanted to know.
“Yes, there is,” Bindu said, “and that award should go to Johnston for his last minute leap although I think we should give a runner-up award to S.B. Dissanayake too…”
“So at the end of all these awards,” Percy asked, “who wins your best movie and best director awards?”
“That is probably the easiest award of all, thaaththa…” Bindu said.
“I suppose it must go to Mahinda maama for directing the war, then…” Percy observed.
“No, thaaththa,” Bindu said, “that award must go to Uncle Ranil for directing his Party Reforms, for taking all of us into a wonderful world of make-believe and convincing us that it is all real…”
Percy knew that it would be difficult to argue with that. |
E-mail