My Dear Karuna,

I thought I must write to you, now that you have returned to the country, very much unannounced although the news leaked out eventually. Well, what could I say except ‘many happy returns!’

I know you went through some hard times, Karuna, especially when the British chaps decided to check on your passport and found that it was a fake although your visa was genuine. I guess they decided to send you back because having a forged Sri Lankan passport was not their problem as long as the visa you held to enter their country was genuine!

But we heard that you had said at your trial that your keeper’s brother had arranged for that passport, Karuna. Now, that poor chap has denied any such thing and categorically washed his hands off any involvement and we know that he is the kind of chap who never utters a lie. So, can you please enlighten us on how you managed your little escapade, Karuna?

What would be even more interesting is how you managed to return to the country, Karuna. Did the British Defence Secretary issue you with another fake passport which stated you were an environmentalist and take you in a heavily guarded vehicle right up to the tarmac at Heathrow and escort you to the plane? Of course, you could bet your last sterling pound that he would deny he did anything like that…

I do not know whether you have noticed it, Karuna, but things have changed quite a bit since you last left Sri Lanka. In fact, you may even feel that they have changed for the better because now your friend and colleague Pillayan is running the show in the eastern province, after you did all the hard work, wresting the region from Velu.

Of course, it may take a while for you to recognise the fellow. He is now rubbing shoulders with the very high and mighty at Temple Trees, attending conferences meant for chief ministers and making demands for police and land powers. A far cry, you might say, from polishing the barrel of a gun in a bunker somewhere in Batticaloa!

Now, do I sense a problem with your return, Karuna? Some say you would want to take poor Pillayan’s Chief Ministerial chair and that you are furious because he has usurped what would have rightfully been yours just because he happened to be at the right place at the right time. So, what are your plans, Karuna?

Just in case you don’t find some gainful employment on your return, Karuna, there are those who suggest that you should open an agency, offering advice on visa matters to the UK. You know, these ‘migration consultants’ tell you how you could hoodwink the British into believing that you are a genuine asylum seeker and that type of job would be right up your street, don’t you think?

And if you ever need a partner to set up that kind of business, Karuna, look no further than that chap Keheliya. He says that the best way to get visas is to claim that you are a journalist, get assaulted by someone and then claim that the government did it! I’m sure you would find him a trusted business partner, Karuna, because both of you seem to dabble in the same kind of activity…

Of course, I know that right now, your priority is to settle down on home soil, before planning your next move. But I know that if you ever fail to find gainful employment, you could always try entering Parliament on the National List. Many people would prefer to see you there instead of that terrible Dr. Mervyn. After all, there is hardly any difference between both of you, because both of you believe in getting what you want through brute force…

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha

PS-It is a pity that you didn’t arrive a few days earlier, Karuna. If you did, I am almost certain the greens would have picked you as their chief ministerial candidate for the Sabaragamuwa province and what’s more, you could have won the election for them too, if you followed Pillayan’s tactics in the East!