ISSN: 1391 - 0531
Sunday May 4, 2008
Vol. 42 - No 49

Get your women-ology straight

By The Man

Someone once said “Men are simple creatures.” I like this guy. He manages to sum up the essence of ‘Man’ in a simple sentence. And that's the typical man, simple and sometimes primitive. Now hang on, primitive is not a bad thing. Take the Volkswagen Beetle for example, the original design is as bareboned and primitive as a car can ever get. And due to that simple reason, there are so many cars still on the road today. Simple is good, because anybody can understand it.

Furthermore, being simple creatures men have simple needs. Eat, sleep, bond with and enjoy the company of the opposite sex, watch sports, have a beer, and that's kind of it. And this whole thing about this lady who calls herself The Spectator saying it's difficult to understand men… she hasn't even tried. Understanding men is the easiest thing on earth, because we're so darned simple.

And we men speak what we feel. That's why women should not ask us questions like “Does this dress make me look fat?” or “How is my new haircut?” we will either lie to save our rear ends, or tell the truth, either of which would then lead to total devastation.

“Women are simple, in a slightly complex way” – A lady-friend of mine.

Need I say more?

Since they are the most complex creatures to understand, I shall. Not how to understand them, but how to survive with them. And it applies to all women.

Take the following example. And this is Not me speculating, but a direct quote from a woman who gave an insight into how women feel.

Apparently, women tend to plan ages ahead. If as a passing remark we (men) say “I like you,” the gears in women's brains start turning, and they start thinking. They plan so much ahead, that they have a response ready for the day you pop the question. So when we just say “I like you,” they've practically named “our” kids.

And if you're like most ladies, please remember the following. If you want us to understand you, for crying out loud, stop playing mind games. Tell us what you want. Subtle messages don't work, hints don't work, and indications don't work. Just spell it out. We know that you don't like logic, but we love it, and we understand it.

Even after years and years of research, we've only managed to decode “Whatever” which apparently means “#@4% you!” We have a rough idea that “Fine” and “Nothing” mean just the opposite, “Go ahead” is not permission, but a dare, “That's okay” means it's far from, and “Don't worry” is a coded message saying “Worry!”

And experience has taught us that we should never, and I mean Never question it when you say “Thank you.” World of difference. Men are from Mars. Women are from Panchikawatte.

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