Last goodbye

By Rukshani Weerasooriya

I've said goodbye a surprisingly large number of times in this short life of mine. I've said goodbye to family, friends, people, places, favourite things, familiar smells etc so often it is almost overwhelming just to think about it. And yet, here I am, sitting under this gloomy sky, doing just that. I don't mean to resent the word, but sometimes I just find myself doing everything I can to avoid having to succumb to it – in spirit if not in deed. Saying goodbye is painful!

Some say there are different types of goodbyes – some long term and some less long term. But the truth is, in my mangled little head, there isn't much difference between long and short term goodbyes because at the end of the day all goodbyes are permanent in their own way – and this is potentially heartbreaking. You see, regardless of whether you think it's a short-term goodbye or a long term one, when you say goodbye, you wind up never getting back what you let go of – at least not in the same form - and that is profoundly painful. Don't you think?

Life is a collection of hellos and goodbyes. But why does this surprise us? Isn't everything on this beautiful earth fleeting? Here today, gone tomorrow. Nothing stops the seasons from changing. Is there any comfort, any strength to rely on when something is waiting to come to an end every minute of every day?

I suggest there is. There is not a lot that stays with us forever, but I believe there are things that do, if we take the time to realise them. So why base our confidence on things that let us down? If you don't know what I'm talking about, take a look at the following list:

1. You become a richer person with every single person you get to know – whether they leave you some time along the road or not is immaterial when you know there is a part of you that would not exist had it not been for them. Painful but ever so precious are the memories they leave behind.

2. Memories are meant to be kept – not transformed into mental shrine – rooms or, conversely, into courtrooms where you cross examine everyone and yourself in your search for the truth. Memories must be kept as they are, appreciated for their frailty, their authenticity, their imperfection. That's what makes thinking back a beautiful way to pass your time.

3. Nobody is absolutely good or absolutely bad – we are all a little bit of both. And as such we impact each other and the world in which we live, with a little goodness, and a little badness. It follows then, that we have a little to do with how miserable we sometimes feel. It is not always entirely someone else's fault. Sometimes when we say goodbye to a person or a situation we create for ourselves a scapegoat to blame for how awful we feel. This is an unnecessary and unhealthy state of affairs. However it is irremediable, if you put a little faith in the good side of people and yourself.

4. Change can be good – it is not necessarily the enemy. You can change destinations, leave behind your every possession and everyone you ever knew, and find that your life is not entirely devastated, but on the contrary, you will find it has flourished. Change can be a very good thing. A very painful, but good thing. I know this through experience.

5. Goodbyes help you live appreciatively – if you knew things would be the same way forever you'd probably take a lot more for granted. But when something is taken away from you, or threatens to fade away, you remember the important things in life. And you appreciate them.

If this makes any sense to you, I'd say there's hope that you'll get through the pain of saying goodbye. This list is by no means exhaustive. But I'm sure by now you know, it helps sometimes to see the glass as being half full.