Mirror Magazine
 

Are you being pushed too hard?
By Ishani Ranasinghe
There are times when I am just so glad that I didn’t grow up having to deal with my parents being pushy. Not all of us can say the same looking back… and it seems that as time goes by parents are becoming more demanding by the day when it comes to their children.

Take what my friend witnessed. Having decided to go for a swim last week, she was taking a breather when she was a witness to an interesting scene.
Imagine this – a little boy swimming laps on a day that was supposedly a holiday, while his brother and sister are having the time of their lives in the baby pool. He swims as fast as he could and emerges, only to be told by his father that he can do better. His efforts are brushed off, and all he keeps hearing is that he should do better over and over again. A familiar ring to the story… I think so.

Look around you and you are bound to always find teenagers constantly being pressured to do better than the rest. Be it to win medals in sports, achieve ‘A’s in examinations or get that leading role… they are being pushed and pushed all the time.

Interestingly enough cases like this are known by many as parents suffering from the whole, ‘I never did it, so you can do it on my behalf’ syndrome! But just take a minute to think about this. There is something you should always remember when you are being nagged by your parents to achieve things, and maybe become an overachiever. Parents who pressure you to be ‘perfect’ usually have no more sinister motive than simply wanting the best for you. It's actually a sign that they care. Right, you are probably not going to believe me on this, but it’s true. Yes, it is also agreed that this can do more harm than good. This can definitely be one of the reasons you are stressed out day in day out, but it also teaches you that your best is never enough. Well, that definitely puts you in a bit of a situation. So what can you do?

Try to understand why they do it
Easier said than done, you might think, but think about it. If you had kids, would you not want what’s best for them too? You would, wouldn’t you? Unfortunately this can sometimes lead to unrealistic expectations. Worse yet, a situation might arise where your goals differ from the ones they want for you. But you should always remember, this is usually a simple breakdown in communication, and can be sorted out.

Be honest
This is not that hard if done the right way. Maybe over dinner, or while your parents are relaxing, try calmly explaining to them how pressured you feel as a result of what they are doing, and how it is affecting your life. Using examples might be helpful to get your message across, like ‘If you say this, it makes me feel stressed, because...’ But remember, never ever, and I must stress on this, sound as if you are accusing them. That is not the way to go, and you will not get your message across. What’s worse, you might just get them annoyed, and that’s not something we want, right?

Be brave
They are your parents, so don’t be scared. Tell them exactly what YOUR hopes and ambitions are. Also remember to be honest, when it comes to where your strengths and weaknesses lie.

Know what you want
One of the things pushy parents worry about most is that you will end up not achieving anything. You know that you want to live your life well, so reassure them that whatever direction you choose in life, you'll do it to the best of your ability.

If you can show them that you have (realistic) ambitions for yourself and plans to make them happen, they may stop pushing and start supporting you instead.

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