Mirror
Magazine 
|
||||
Would
you like to dance? Venusians could tell you though that this is but a distant dream for most of us, who consider ourselves abundantly fortunate to find a Martian, who can gently sway in tune to the music, and not draw too much attention to himself or her for that matter… This is not to imply that all Venusians are born with their dancing shoes on, and all Martians with two left feet. However, as always, when in relation to this column, we go by the law of averages and in this instance, on average, there are way more Venusians that can ‘boogie’ to the beat than their Martian counterparts. Maybe it’s like an extra gene or hormone or something that us Venusians are endowed with at birth, but for whatever reason, most Martians seem to have been overlooked in the process. Much to our misfortune however… Picture a night out with the girls… You walk into a party or club and are met with the most ghastly sight of a Martian on a dance floor… worse yet, a number of Martians on the dance floor! All you can distinguish at first glance is a mass of limbs flaying about as though independent from their bodies… a dead giveaway that this is in fact a display of what Martians refer to as ‘dancing.’ Many have even been known to liken a dancing Martian to an electrocuted octopus! Believe you me, a countless number of people have actually come up to me seeking clarification regarding the ‘real’ identity of the ‘being behind the movement.’ The best part though, is how Martians themselves, well aware of their complete ineptness, cannot bear the thought of partaking in, let alone witnessing, their fellow comrades exhibit their ‘incapabilities’ to the world, until and unless they are quite substantially intoxicated! Countless have been the occasions where a Martian’s response to the query “Aren’t you going to dance?” or “Are you just going to stand there all night?” been “Can’t dance yet men, I’m not high enough yet…” Methinks, the intoxicated stupor helps lessen the humiliation of the Martian going through with the whole ordeal of ‘shaking that body,’ and make oblivious the looks of horror and distaste on the faces of their unsuspecting audience. There is also their aversion to dancing with members of their own species. Understandable, as a Martian’s reluctance to dance with another Martian may be, especially as an already tiresome activity carried out by a singular Martian, can only become doubly so, if shared by another. Irrespective of the ‘boring each other to death factor’ though, it’s still quite uncanny how so very ‘one-track minded’ Martians tend to be on this subject. Note: An intoxicated Martian mind however, knows nothing of inhibitions and social stereo-types. Thus, the aforementioned case doesn’t apply to the likes of him. Yet another take on this very same issue, is how Martians ‘gang-up’ on their few, yet far superiorly talented brethren, who can actually manage to coordinate their limbs in time with the music, and are also able to comprehend the concept of rhythm and synchrony. Male ballet dancers for instance, or even ballroom dancers for that matter, are looked on with such an air of condescension, that it leaves little doubt in one’s mind that this ‘air’ is 100% envy driven! Martians crave what they do not possess, and thus, misuse the power invested in them, the majority, by ridiculing their more refined fellow Martians. As pathetic a scenario as this portrays, it is a very ‘real’ aspect of the Martian’s existence. So, the next time the prospect of going ‘dancing’ crops up, Martians, a plea I must make of you, “take a rain-check!”
Mars So Martians cannot dance. I mean of course. When have you ever seen a Martian dance well? I certainly haven’t. I mean look at dance championships! You never see Martians there. It’s always two Venusians dancing. And no, Martians are never a part of the team that takes away the winning trophy. The winning team is always a Venusian – Venusian couple. Gimme a break, Venus. Furthermore, my Venusian buddy delves deeper into the illogical, when she asks us to note that, “An intoxicated Martian, mind however, knows nothing of inhibitions and social stereotypes. Thus, the aforementioned case doesn’t apply to the likes of him.” Oh, how profound Venus. Amazing deduction. I mean, that’s a ground breaking theory, and it applies only to Martians! An intoxicated Venusian would never lose knowledge of inhibitions and social norms. Sigh. As you can see, talking to a Venusian is a lot like talking to a wall. Except a wall has a little more common sense. Now that we’ve picked my Venusian friend’s argument to pieces (not bad, in just four paragraphs too), let’s get in to the core of this topic. Venusians can dance, can they? Hmm… perhaps… I do know a few Venusians, who are fairly skilled at moving to music. On the other hand, I also know many, who think that dancing is akin to shaking their posterior. No Venus, gyrating like a Vegas show girl is not in fact dancing. That is called trying to look like you’re dancing while selling your body. Although the selling-the-body technique may work on some unfortunate Martians, most of us become quickly aware of Venusians, who try to hide two left feed behind a protruding rear end. The great thing about most Martians is that they don’t really care if other people think they can dance or not. Some dance, some don’t – it’s not a big deal. The sad thing about Venusians is that they feel pressurised to dance. I mean after all, all Venusians dance. Thus, even ones who couldn’t shake to save their souls, find themselves on the dance floor. Poor creatures. The pressure must nearly kill them. Walk
in to any bar or club on the weekend, and you’ll find more
than a few Martians, sitting down and enjoying the company of other
people. They don’t feel the need to get out there and dance.
Some will, some won’t – but that’s it. On the
other hand, try and spot one Venusian, who doesn’t invariably
head out on to the dance floor. Tell me if you do, we might be able
to patent her. This, in essence, this is where the line divides Mars and Venus. Martians will dance (even horribly) because they want to. Venusians will dance because they have to. And the ones that can’t, will try their best to look like they can. I mean seriously, what a life. So Venus, you can say what you like. But Martians dance when they want to, and because they want to. Seriously, try doing something because you like it, for a change – it’s a rewarding experience. |
||||
Copyright © 2001 Wijeya Newspapers
Ltd. All rights reserved. |
