5th Column

Your tantrums, Wee Wee's hysterics and a nation never short of entertainment
My Dear Satellite,
I thought I must write to you while you are away in India asking Manmohan for help in dealing with Velu's airstrip and in implementing the so-called 'Joint Mechanism'.

Satellite, we have been more than a little puzzled by what you have been saying and doing in the past few weeks. For instance, just before you left for India, you promised us that you will implement the Joint Mechanism no matter what, even if it means laying down your life.

We thought that was a very interesting statement, Satellite. We do know that Velu and his boys are capable of life threatening acts as they demonstrated this week but then they are the very people who are now clamouring for a Joint Mechanism, aren't they?

We know that you have accused the Greens of creating almost every problem in the country, but they too have not been openly opposing the Joint Mechanism because they know only too well that they too will face the same problem if they were in office.

Now, Satellite, that leaves us with two possible culprits who are vehemently opposed to this Joint Mechanism and they are Wee Wee and his sahodarayas and the Buddhist monks in the religious party.

Of course, you did not for a moment suggest that the monks who practise the principle of ahimsa will threaten your life, so that leaves us with Wee Wee and his sahodarayas who have in the past been accused of murdering your husband, although we are uncertain as to what you think about that now!

Isn't it indeed strange Satellite that you should sit at the same Cabinet with the chaps who are supposed to be threatening your life if you were to implement the Joint Mechanism? And isn't it even stranger that Wee Wee and his comrades should continue to sit with you when they repeatedly keep threatening to leave the government if this Joint Mechanism is implemented?

Remember, Satellite, when the Blues and the Greens used to take turns in ruling the country and the people used to say 'unuth ekai, munuth ekai'? Well, now they are saying the same about Blues and the Reds after your recent public tantrums about the Reds and Wee Wee's hysterics in reply to that.

Of course, I do not for a moment think that promising to implement the Joint Mechanism will be a problem after all, so many promises have been made in the past that still remain promises -- like abolishing the Executive Presidency within six months of assuming office, for instance!

Anyway, we all eagerly await the next sensational statement. Whatever your critics may say of you, no one can deny that you have been the best President we have had, certainly in terms of providing the people entertainment…

Yours truly,
Punchi Putha.
PS-You should sack that fellow Sarath from your Cabinet; he is saying that the Buddhist monk who protested at the Aid Group meeting should be given a 'Sarasaviya' award for his 'acting'. Now, how dare he say that with so many memorable performances, day after day?

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