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Labour of love forgotten in the rat race of life
By Prof. Kanthi Ratnayake
She sits at her window most of the morning... waiting for the postman to bring her a letter or a little card, just to let her know that she is loved and remembered. Yes. All her beloved children are abroad, exploring greener pastures. And yet, the long awaited letter never comes. Overwhelmed by the rat race that the children are now a part of, they are too busy to even think of their mother, except of course, on special occasions.

A godly mother had once said "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around, outside your body." Even though the children have now set up their own homes, be they in Canada or the United States, Australia or England, or even in a town just a few miles away, the heart of a mother embraces them with tenderness and love. Now that I have children of my own, I know how true it is.

As the shadows lengthen, the rosy hues of the evening sky turn silver grey, empathizing with the 'mums' in an Elders' Home. Some of them had been professionals, while others have been home-makers and busy housewives. They talk to me about their children, with a certain sense of pride and much affection. They have made so many sacrifices and have strived to do their best. And, how they love to go down 'memory lane' recalling tender moments that, perhaps, only a mother would remember and hold dear. Yet, deep down my spirit can discern feelings of loneliness and sadness in their hearts, even as the childen have distanced themselves, physically and emotionally.

My heart is warmed and touched by the fact that many of them hold no grudge against their children. There is no bitterness when they reminisce about their past. However, there is always a tear-drop rolling down their cheeks.

As a demographer, whose main field of interest and research has been in gerontology, I know that the Sri Lankan population is ageing rapidly, with nearly 12 per cent or more of our people constituting the age group 60 years and above. Demographic projections make it quite clear that there would be an absolute increase of the elderly over time in all age groups, as well as an increase in the percentage of the aged to the total population, at each age group.

The old age dependency ratio is on a steady upward trajectory. Also, women tend to live longer than men, and old age is increasingly becoming a woman's world. Gender disparity is evident with females entering a longer period of widowhood in the normal process of ageing. (not to mention the increasing number of widows as a result of the war-situation in the island, over the past few decades.) Such a scenario calls for, not only statistical analyses which many scholars seem to limit themselves to, but more importantly, demands that policies and programmes be put in place and implemented for the health and betterment of the elderly population.

One is aware that there is an urgent need for expanding and strengthening the institutional mechanisms for elderly care, with well-designed programmes calling for a greater involvement of family and community. And, as a UNFPA Report stated recently, it is important not only to add years to life, but life to years.

No doubt the most primary input that is required, and in fact longed for, by the senior citizens of our country is a little love and affection. This sense of being loved and cared for requires the input of time and personal commitment on the part of the rest of the family as well as the society.

In a country like Sri Lanka, all major religious faiths underscore the importance of honouring and respecting the parents and the elderly, and hopefully, such traditional values are inculcated into the minds of children in homes, schools, temples, churches, mosques and kovils. But alas! "Where have all the flowers gone?" It seems to me that the pace of these silver-crowned folk is far too slow for the rest of us in society. So, we shove them aside. Our minds and our lives are so cluttered with "going and getting" and racing against time, that we miss the eternal blessings of sharing a few minutes with our precious elderly parents or relatives.

A listening ear and a caring heart, and a kind word spoken, with a few minutes to spare - Yes, that is all the elderly folk often yearn for. Such acts of love cost us no money, and we earn no money either. I have observed that when their bodies become frail and their minds become weak, they cannot stay focused for a long time. The moments are not so kind on their minds. Surely, can't we set aside a time-slot of less than half an hour a fortnight, or even a month to visit with them and cheer them up? Our society needs to translate the godly values of maithriya, love and compassion towards the elderly, by reaching out to them and giving them a little of our time.

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