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Chucking and fixing -- ICC sees it like it is
 TIMES POSTCARD
 By Rajpal Abeynayake
"I hope match fixing is back.'' said one of my friends.
Let's just call him Chucker though that's not his real name.
All of the rest of his friends told Chucker that we are profoundly shocked. "Don't you know that match fixing is illegal?'' we asked him.

Chucker was completely nonplussed. "Ill-eagle is a sick bird,'' he announced. We all told him that we are shocked by his facetiousness. One friend told him adamantly that just when everybody thought match-fixing is a problem of the past, its outrageous of him to want match-fixing back.

He said 'ha ha', and something in the way he laughed made everyone feel that this was the sound of a last laugh. As if to confirm our suspicions he said profoundly "He that laughs last laughs longest.''

He then got up, stretched like a lion and said it is all nonsense anyway. "Don't you think that watching a play at the Lionel Wendt is not like a fixed match?'' he asked.

None of us comprehended, but he said "Brutus is always the stabber in Julius Caesar. It never happens no matter how many productions of Julius Caesar you may watch that Caesar stabs Brutus, right? So what do you call that - - isn't that fixed?''

We all replied "but that's not cricket.''
Well what's the difference he said. In cricket you will never know when it's fixed, that's the only difference, he insisted.
"Now, take the outcome of the last World Cup final,'' he went on. "Didn't all of you enjoy that match?''

"Yes'' all of us said, sounding like a class that says 'good morning' to the teacher, all high-pitched and attentive.
"Exactly,'' he said. "Now will you enjoy that match if you knew that it was fixed?''

"No of course not'' we said.
"Exactly,'' he said. " As long as you know a match is not fixed, you enjoy it --- so what's the problem?'' he asked. All of us just stood there scratching our heads. Then he said that the ICC is soon going to make match-fixing legal.

"What?'' we all exclaimed. "It can't be'' all of us sounded in chorus. Somebody even said that Chucker must have been reading the Daily Noise.

His old friend Sunil Gavaskar, he said, told him that if every bowler is a chucker, then there is "room to accommodate the fact that every match can be fixed.'' "Does this include the great matches of the 60s where Rohan Kanhai and Gary Sobers and all the greats played?'' Chucker said he then asked Sunil. Gavaskar replied: "You bet.'' So now he says no bowler who is not afraid to rotate his shoulder should go about with a chip on his shoulder anymore...

"But isn't this a good rule?'' a friend who had just walked in put it to the whole assembly. "The fact that the ICC now recognises chucking means that bowlers like Muttiah Muralitharan will be in the clear - and isn't this a happy development for all of us who love him as one of our own all time greats?''
"Precisely,'' said Chucker. "The thing is, all this time he was forced to think that he was doing something wrong. We all thought he was maybe sometimes doing something wrong. Now it turns out that he was right all along, and aren't we happier for him?''

There were oohs and ahs all around. There was then a minute's silence.
"If half the Australian team is rotating their elbows like crazy, what do you call that?'' he then asked.
"Chucking,'' we said.
"Oh god, don't you all learn anything,'' he said. "That's called legal. When Muralithran alone is rotating his arm - - that's called chucking,'' he said. We demurred.

"So when the whole Australian team is caught match-fixing one day, what will it be called'' he then asked.
"Illegal,'' we all said, now much chastened.

"Oh no oh no,'' he said, and this time he shrivelled to the size of a tampered leather ball. "What am I supposed to do with you lot??''
When the whole Australian team is caught match-fixing, the ICC is going to call it as it is, he said, and what's that?
Nobody wanted to make an ass of themselves this time around, so they all just stayed dumb and stared ahead.

"Of course they are going to call it cricket, you goats'' he said, and promptly ordered three more mutton krurumas.By Rajpal Abeynayake
"I hope match fixing is back.'' said one of my friends.
Let's just call him Chucker though that's not his real name.
All of the rest of his friends told Chucker that we are profoundly shocked. "Don't you know that match fixing is illegal?'' we asked him.

Chucker was completely nonplussed. "Ill-eagle is a sick bird,'' he announced.
We all told him that we are shocked by his facetiousness. One friend told him adamantly that just when everybody thought match-fixing is a problem of the past, its outrageous of him to want match-fixing back.
He said 'ha ha', and something in the way he laughed made everyone feel that this was the sound of a last laugh. As if to confirm our suspicions he said profoundly "He that laughs last laughs longest.''

He then got up, stretched like a lion and said it is all nonsense anyway. "Don't you think that watching a play at the Lionel Wendt is not like a fixed match?'' he asked.

None of us comprehended, but he said "Brutus is always the stabber in Julius Caesar. It never happens no matter how many productions of Julius Caesar you may watch that Caesar stabs Brutus, right? So what do you call that - - isn't that fixed?''

We all replied "but that's not cricket.''
Well what's the difference he said. In cricket you will never know when it's fixed, that's the only difference, he insisted.

"Now, take the outcome of the last World Cup final,'' he went on. "Didn't all of you enjoy that match?''
"Yes'' all of us said, sounding like a class that says 'good morning' to the teacher, all high-pitched and attentive.
"Exactly,'' he said. "Now will you enjoy that match if you knew that it was fixed?''

"No of course not'' we said.
"Exactly,'' he said. " As long as you know a match is not fixed, you enjoy it --- so what's the problem?'' he asked. All of us just stood there scratching our heads. Then he said that the ICC is soon going to make match-fixing legal.

"What?'' we all exclaimed. "It can't be'' all of us sounded in chorus. Somebody even said that Chucker must have been reading the Daily Noise.
His old friend Sunil Gavaskar, he said, told him that if every bowler is a chucker, then there is "room to accommodate the fact that every match can be fixed.'' "Does this include the great matches of the 60s where Rohan Kanhai and Gary Sobers and all the greats played?'' Chucker said he then asked Sunil. Gavaskar replied: "You bet.'' So now he says no bowler who is not afraid to rotate his shoulder should go about with a chip on his shoulder anymore...

"But isn't this a good rule?'' a friend who had just walked in put it to the whole assembly. "The fact that the ICC now recognises chucking means that bowlers like Muttiah Muralitharan will be in the clear - and isn't this a happy development for all of us who love him as one of our own all time greats?''
"Precisely,'' said Chucker. "The thing is, all this time he was forced to think that he was doing something wrong. We all thought he was maybe sometimes doing something wrong. Now it turns out that he was right all along, and aren't we happier for him?''

There were oohs and ahs all around. There was then a minute's silence.
"If half the Australian team is rotating their elbows like crazy, what do you call that?'' he then asked.
"Chucking,'' we said.
"Oh god, don't you all learn anything,'' he said. "That's called legal. When Muralithran alone is rotating his arm - - that's called chucking,'' he said. We demurred.

"So when the whole Australian team is caught match-fixing one day, what will it be called'' he then asked.
"Illegal,'' we all said, now much chastened.
"Oh no oh no,'' he said, and this time he shrivelled to the size of a tampered leather ball. "What am I supposed to do with you lot??''

When the whole Australian team is caught match-fixing, the ICC is going to call it as it is, he said, and what's that?
Nobody wanted to make an ass of themselves this time around, so they all just stayed dumb and stared ahead.
"Of course they are going to call it cricket, you goats'' he said, and promptly ordered three more mutton krurumas.
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