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| Adopted
at birth Amanda Van’t Hooft meets her biological mother after
22 years "It was obvious that I was somehow different from the rest of my family," says Amanda explaining that she being tanned, her colour never seemed to blend with the others. When she was five, her parents Han and Conny Van't Hooft told Amanda that she was adopted. "They were very honest about it and it really wasn't very traumatic for me," she says."My sister is also adopted so I was not the only one. Anyway, we were all treated the same." Having two sons of their own, Arjan (now 29) and Fabian (now 26), Amanda's parents adopted two more children, Carmen from Colombia and Amanda from Sri Lanka. While in her teens Amanda was shown the adoption papers, her birth certificate and some other documents which didn't contain much personal information. Ever since she found out about her Sri Lankan origins, Amanda sought more information about the country. "I visited libraries and picked out books on Sri Lanka," she says, adding that when she was eight, her mother visited Sri Lanka and brought back some trinkets. "My room is decorated with lots of Sri Lankan stuff like ornamental elephants," she grins. Her parents were always frank about the adoption and left it to the children to decide whether they would like to find their biological parents. "They always told us we could visit our countries of birth and find our biological parents if we wanted to," says Amanda. "I really wanted to see my mother because I was curious," she admits. She first visited Sri Lanka two years ago with her adoptive parents and brother Fabian and began the quest to find her biological mother. But the only information they had was from the adoption papers, which gave her name and village. Deciding to try their luck, the family together with a Sri Lankan friend visited her mother's village in the Chilaw area. Once there, the friend suggested that they find the postman, who when seeing the name fished out one of the polling cards he was distributing and pointed to the same name. Unsure whether it was the right person, they decided to visit her home. "It was strange and different to what I imagined," says Amanda. "I think she couldn't believe it, she just stood there staring." Amanda understands that her mother's reaction was normal for a person in her situation. "I knew all along that I was going to see her, but she was just working in the garden when I turned up and told her I was her daughter," she explains adding that her mother's initial reaction made her think that she did not want any contact with her. After the initial shock, her mother Geetha and her family were receptive. Language being a slight hindrance, the two groups managed to talk to each other with the help of their Sri Lankan friend. "She kept her distance that first time," says Amanda adding that with time Geetha started talking to her when the two were alone. Geetha had given birth to Amanda when she was just 13. She had been compelled to give up her baby for adoption because she was unable to care for her. "My grandmother and aunt were happy to see me, but happier that my mother got the chance to see me," says Amanda. The reunion lasted three weeks until Amanda returned to Holland. Later she came back to visit her new-found family. During this time their relationship grew and Amanda began noticing a resemblance between them."I do look a bit like my mother and my mannerism are sometimes like hers," she says. As for her biological father, all Amanda knows is that he lives in the same village. Studying for a Master's Degree in Communications, Amanda is now on her third visit to the country on a research programme on the Sri Lanka Broadcasting Corporation (SLBC). "It's a part of the practical education programme," explains Amanda, a student of the University of Amsterdam. "I decided to do my project here because I would have the chance to spend time with my mother, learn about the country, and maybe even learn the language," she smiles. As she is analysing how SLBC functions, she spends her days visiting the different departments and talking to the people about their work. Boarded in the home of a family friend in Colombo, she takes a bus to her mother's village over the weekends to spend time with Geetha and her family. "It's very relaxing there," she says adding that there really isn't much to do except keep each other company. For Amanda it is the ideal way to unwind after a hard week's work, especially since her grandmother spoils her oldest granddaughter with all her favourite foods. She takes some of her friends back to the village with her to enjoy her grandmother's cooking. With the frequent visits, the rest of the village has been able to figure out Amanda's relationship to the family. "Most of them are alright but there are still some people who stare at me and gossip," she says, though she has been able to make some friends in the village. Amanda says there are many like her back in Holland. "Two years ago one of my friends, Nimal Van Oort started a club for adopted Lankans," she says adding that they now have around 50 members. Many of them have returned or hope to return to Sri Lanka to trace their roots. "The minimum age for membership is 15 and the oldest member is 28," says Amanda adding that they have a website (www.inesh.tk) and organise various events like sports days and BBQs. "It's easy to relate to these people because we have something in common." As happy as she is to be reunited with her biological family, Amanda still thinks of the Van't Hoofts as her real family. "Geetha may be my biological mother but I know that my mother back home is my real mother," she says. Amanda stresses that she does have a special bond with Geetha. "I don't see her as my mother but there is some connection. If there was nothing I would never have come back." The mother’s name has been changed to protect her identity |
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