Mirror Magazine

Mirror Magazine

The right mix
By Dilini Algama
I have always been a pretty good cook. Although I don’t profess to be an expert on the subject, if there is one thing my guy doesn’t have to fear, it’s starvation. So, I’d like to share with you a few tips when it comes to venturing into the kitchen.

Tip No.1: Do not chase away Bro-boy when he watches over your shoulders. You’ll doubtfully stir some concoction on the stove, which according to the cookery book should look like what angels have for breakfast, but in reality it resembles what Aunty Catrina would poison the Pound Puppies with. Bro-Boy will utter a sardonic laugh and dig into the grated chocolate you’ve set aside for the garnish, but as you tearfully turn out the ill-fated brew it will be Bro-Boy who will loyally say that it doesn’t taste all that bad and finish off the evidence, which if found by Mother-Dear will get you into trouble for wasting perfectly good eggs.

Tip No.2: Cookery books were printed to mislead you. Their authors come from a parallel world where potatoes and onions can only come in small, medium or large sizes. Salt comes in pinches and pepper in dashes. Apparently they have some kind of license to say “salt to taste,” which in the layman’s language means, “I’ve forgotten the real amount and I wish to wash my hands off this whole thing.” They also always forget to add, “close with tight fitting lid” before they say “set aside to cool,” and the next thing you know, all the ants in the kitchen have made a jolly feast of your wares.

Tip No.3: Never copy how they serve dessert in hotels. Their favourite method is to place a tiny blob of pudding in the middle of a plate big enough to hold several roast turkeys and fill the space around it with streaks of sauce, which make you wonder whether the cook is an amateur at abstract art. They also prefer to stick thin sticks of chocolate into the dessert at all assorted angles making it resemble a weird hairdo from a hairstyle exhibition.

Tip No.4: Keep the names short. Although “Oysters in Alabama sauce baked in Pine nuts with sautéed mushrooms and crispy ling” would look good written in Gothic in a formal menu, it isn’t the thing to say if you want to impress your mother-in-law-to-be.

Tip No.5: Keep a check on your facial expressions. If you serve your dishes with facial contortions of a gorilla with abdominal cramps, the family will instinctively know that what they are being served is not what you set out to make. Even if your eggplant mousse has the consistency of running water, hum a happy melody and smile as you serve it and give out lots of mmms and Oh! Yum!s as you sample it yourself. Hopefully these tips will help you to cook and serve with the confidence of Betty Crocker. Bon appetit!

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