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| Tomorrow,
March 8 is International Women's Day, dedicated to women the world
over. This is the story of one courageous mother Anoma and Kandage Don Amarasena were a happy young couple. She was an only child and had married Amarasena, a research chemist who held a managerial post at the Ceylon Institute for Scientific and Industrial Research (CISIR). In 1982, he left for Australia to complete his Master's degree. A year later, Anoma joined him Down Under. Life was perfect, with the birth of their first child Saman Priyanga in Australia in 1985. The boy crawled, laughed, and was the apple of his parents' eye. With her husband reading for his degree, Anoma busied herself at creative craft and dressmaking classes, something she had always enjoyed. On the completion of her husband's degree, the family returned to Sri Lanka and settled in Madapatha. In 1986, the couple rejoiced in the birth of their second son Upul Tharanga. Two years later, tragedy struck when Saman, their elder son, began to show signs of unsteadiness in his gait. "He used to fall off the chair while watching TV, and occasionally get fits," Anoma recalls. The family consulted a doctor, and he was diagnosed with epilepsy. Drugs and treatment were prescribed and the couple sought a second opinion from another doctor, who increased his medication, putting him on stronger drugs in bigger doses. "After this, he started having problems with talking and even walking," says Anoma, adding that the fits gradually increased and became more difficult to control. "The doctor should have given one drug at a time to see if it worked, but he gave all of it together," she adds, believing that the drugs might have caused her son's condition to worsen. Worried about Saman's deteriorating condition, Anoma and her husband consulted a third doctor, who reduced the strength and dosage of the drugs, which she says slightly improved his condition. "He was an active child," she says with a smile, "always running around, climbing up window frames. Sometimes it was difficult for us to keep track of his whereabouts." To make matters worse, Anoma's second child, Upul, although physically fit was suffering from a condition of slow brain development. The Amarasenas took both the boys to Apollo Hospital in India, hoping for some kind of solution. After various tests and scans, the doctors broke the news - there was nothing they could do for either of them. Despite the bleak prognosis, Anoma did not give up. In 1997, the ultimate disaster struck. Anoma lost her husband to a sudden heart attack. Overnight, she was left to fend for herself and her two children alone. The fact that she was unemployed having had to devote all her time to her children did not help. To add to her agony, she also had to explain the tragedy to her children, especially her younger son. "He thought I did something and took him away," says Anoma mentioning that Upul was very close to his father. Blaming his mother for his father’s death, Upul used to push her away whenever she tried to come near him. With the help of her cousin and by showing him funerals on TV, Anoma attempted to explain to Upul that what had happened to his father was part of life. Even after the terrible blow of her husband's death, Anoma was determined to better her sons' condition. Doctors advised her that Saman should undergo surgery on his legs as they felt he could be coming in for cancer. For Anoma, it was a huge decision. After much deliberation, she consented to the operation, believing that it was the only way to save her son's life. "After they removed the plaster he couldn't walk," says Anoma explaining that although the problem was only with one of his legs Saman has now resorted to crawling. "It's not easy looking after him, because he's very tall and strong now," says Anoma who explained that she finds it difficult to control Saman as he now tries to move about and lift himself up. Recently he fell off his bed and needed four stitches. She has to transfer him from the bed to his wheelchair to be fed four times a day. Since he can't walk, Anoma has to carry him to hospital and wherever else he needs to be taken. Since her husband's death Anoma has problems in admitting Saman to hospital, as he has to be warded with the women, so that she can stay and look after him. "There's no one to stay with him in the male ward," says Anoma. At home in Boralesgamuwa eighteen-year-old Saman spends most of his time surrounded by little plastic toys and colourful balls. "He loves his toys and is very possessive of them," smiles Anoma. Obviously thrilled at her son's development she says that Saman now responds to the sound of some of his plastic squeaky toys and even notices when one of them is missing. Towering over his mother, seventeen-year-old Upul spends five days a week attending a special school. A student of the Association of Individual Development Education School, Nugegoda, Upul is taught basic skills like putting on buttons. He is also given special occupational therapy and taught simple chores in cookery as well as how to identify coins etc. "He loves school," says Anoma. Despite the expense, Anoma has always been adamant to send Upul to school as she feels it is doing him a lot of good. She is thrilled at his progress at school, and says proudly, "He can now count and even colour within a margin."A typical day in Anoma's life begins at around 6 a.m. when she wakes up to get Upul ready for school. After dropping him there she returns home to see to Saman. Since he can't be left alone at any point, Anoma's mother watches him till she returns. Then there is food to be cooked, a house to be cleaned, Saman to be washed and fed. With all this it is hard to believe that Anoma has time to see to her work. "I work while they are sleeping," says Anoma who adds that since Saman usually stays up till around 2 a.m. she can begin her work only at that time. Their home, beautifully decorated with Anoma's creations, is evidence of her talent and versatility. From glass paintings to cushion covers and paper dolls, Anoma has tried her hand at every possible craft. Anoma took to craft-making not only as a means of income but also, she says, to occupy her mind after her husband's death. "They were difficult times but I had to somehow make it through for the sake of my children," she says. Presently Anoma makes cushion covers, serviette hangers, bags and other such knick-knacks for sale. In 2001 she received a Diploma in Fabric and Sari Painting from Indira Kolombage's School. Thereafter she went on to learn various crafts under one Mr. Sundararajah. "Whenever I go out I look at the things in the shops and try to make them myself," says Anoma who went on to say that she also learns a lot by watching TV. Anoma sells her creations through another lady who includes her items in her stall, which she puts out at various sales and exhibitions. She also displays a few items at a shop close to her home. Having put aside most of what she earns for schooling and day to day needs she spends some of it to buy new materials necessary to keep the business going. The bulk of what she earns is spent on Saman's medication. Concerned for her children's future, she has opened two accounts for the boys after the sale of her small block of land. Enterprising Anoma says that she would like to employ another seamstress to further the business. The difficulty of course, is that this would require another sewing machine. "I'm worried that my own machine will break because it's old," says Anoma explaining that a new one would help her expand her work. Anoma is now determined to live her life and fend for her children, and her mother with whom she lives, without being in debt. "You can't stay helpless in such situations, you have to move on," she says, adding that many had suggested that she put her children into a special home to make things easier for herself. "I will never do that unless I go with them," she says defiantly, "whatever problems they have, they are my children." |
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